Page 102 of What We Brave
"After everything—" I start, then stall out. My jaw clenches. Unclench it. Try again. "The things I said. The way I?—"
Nope. The words won't line up. They're all tangled in my chest, sharp edges catching on each other.
"I just need to know if?—"
Spit it the fuck out.
"Physically. Is that something. That you'd ever."
I sound like an idiot. I sound like a teenager asking a girl to prom and expecting to get laughed at. Which, historically, is exactly what happened. How the fuck do I ask her if she thinks she'll ever be okay letting me that close to her. Sharing her body with me. It requires a fuck of a lot of trust, and that's not something we have. Maybe never will thanks to the fucked up shit I did.
Reid glances between us but keeps his mouth shut. It's a fucking miracle.
Laine's quiet for a moment. Her brow furrows. Then she glances at Reid. He gives her a small nod.
"Blake." She turns back to me. "I'm not going to make promises I can't keep. I don't know what I'll be ready for, or when."
My chest tightens.There it is. The letdown. The gentle rejection.
"But." She takes a breath. A flush creeps up her neck despite the cold. "You're... you're very attractive. That was never the issue."
I blink.
"The night at the camp. When you were just yourself." She's looking at the pile of lumber now, not at me. "Helping with the patients,talking about your work. No walls. No cruelty. Just you." The flush deepens. "That version of Blake? I think about that version a lot."
My lungs forget how to work.
She thinks about me. That version of me. The one I barely remember how to be.
"The cruel stuff—that wasn't who you are." She looks up. Meets my eyes. "I know that now. It was you running scared. It still hurt. A lot. But I think I can separate who you were from who you're trying to be."
I nod. Can't speak. My throat's closed up.
"So no promises." Her voice steadies. "But I'm not ruling anything out. Just—don't be mean, okay? If something's bugging you, or you need space, you have to say it. No more shutting down and lashing out."
"Okay." It comes out rough. "Absolutely. Yeah."
Don't be mean.The bar is in hell and I still almost tripped over it. But she's giving me a chance. More than I deserve.
Reid clears his throat. "Since we're being honest about the awkward stuff..."
Laine groans. "There's more?"
I catch Reid's eye. Give him the look. The one that sayswe talked about this, don't make it weird right now, I swear to God.
Reid catches it. Hesitates. Recalibrates.
"Never mind. It can wait."
Laine looks between us. "What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That." She points from me to Reid. "The look. You two just had a whole conversation with your eyebrows."
"We did not have a conversation with our eyebrows," Reid says.
"You absolutely did. What were you going to say?"
