Page 35 of What We Break
"It is," I say. The work matters, but it's also just work. I'm good at it without being a saint. Reid understood that without me having to explain it. Two hours in a diner and he never once made me sound like a hero for doing my job.
Stop comparing. That's not fair to anyone.
"What about you?" I ask Matt. "Do you like marketing?"
"It pays the bills." He shrugs. "But I'd rather be traveling. I've got this list of places I want to see — Thailand, New Zealand, Iceland. Just waiting for the right opportunity."
He talks about travel like it's exotic and adventurous. Like wanting to see the world makes him interesting. I've been to all of the places on his list. Travel stops being romantic when you're doing it because you don't have anywhere else to go.
Don't be a snob about it. He's allowed to want things you've already had. Not everyone grew up in fourteen countries.
"What about you?" Matt asks. "Ever think about traveling? Seeing the world?"
"I've done some traveling," I say. "I'm more interested in staying put these days."
"Really? Why?"
Bethany jumps in. "Laine's going through a domestic phase. She's very into routine and yoga classes."
A phase.Like nesting is a disease I'll recover from. Like wanting to belong somewhere is a symptom. Matt laughs like he agrees, and I'm so done. Not hurt. Just — tired. Tired of trying to explain my choices to someone who's not at all interested in understanding.
"That's cool for now," Matt says. "But don't you want to see what's out there? Experience new things?"
He has no idea how much I've done. I've done enough bucket items to fills most people's buckets four times over.
But I just smile and let him buy me another drink.
Around eleven, Bethany suggests we all go to another bar. Matt's immediately interested, his friends are game, and everyone's looking at me.
"I think I'm going to call it a night," I say.
"Come on," Bethany says. "It's still early."
"For you maybe. I've got work tomorrow."
"Live a little, Laine," Matt says.
And there it is. Just enough edge in his voice to remind me he's bought me three drinks and probably expects a return on investment.Live a little.Like what I'm doing right now — choosing my own company over his — isn't living. Like the only valid version of being alive involves following a good-looking stranger to a second bar at eleven o'clock because he smiled at me and bought me gin.
Yeah. Now I’m getting pissy.
"I am living," I say. "Just not the way you want me to."
Matt's smile gets a little tighter. "Your loss."
Yeah. I'll survive.
In the car afterward, Bethany is quiet until we're almost back to my apartment.
"So," she says. "Matt seemed nice."
"He was fine."
"Just fine? He was totally into you. And those shoulders..."
"Yeah, he was attractive. Good conversationalist. Probably makes decent money."
"But?"
