Page 213 of What We Break
"Then why? Why treat her like garbage? Why drive her away?"
The truth is a physical weight in my chest. Heavy. Suffocating.
I look at him. He’s waiting for an excuse. A reason for the shit I’ve done that he can wrap his head around, so he can eventually forgive me.
I can't give him that. I have to give him the one thing that burns the bridge down to the pilings. The one thing that ensures he never calls me, never checks on me, never worries about me again.
I have to break his heart to save his life.
'Because I couldn't watch it anymore,' I say.
Reid freezes. His grip on my shirt loosens slightly. "Watch what?"
"You and her." I look away, staring at the wall over his shoulder. "The way she looks at you. The way she laughs. The way she makes this house feel like a home instead of a barracks."
"You're jealous?" Reid asks, his voice incredulous. "You destroyed my life because you were jealous of my girlfriend?"
"Not jealous." I close my eyes. "I tried not to, Reid."
"Tried not to what?"
"I tried not to love her."
The silence hits harder than anything Reid just threw at me. Louder than the shouting. Louder than the tools scattering across the floor.
Reid lets go of my shirt. Steps back, catches his heel on the screws rolling underfoot. He looks at me like I just put a blade through him.
"What did you say?"
"I tried." I open my eyes. Everything's blurred at the edges. "From the first night. I tried to hate her. I tried to push her away. I thought if I was enough of an asshole, she'd leave. Or you'd kick me out. Either way, I wouldn't have to be here. I wouldn't have to see it."
Reid stares at me. Horror. That's what's on his face. Not anger anymore. Pure horror.
"You love her," he whispers.
"Yeah."
The word just sits there. No taking it back. No clever redirect. Just the ugly truth of it hanging in sawdust and dead air. I said it. I fucking said it out loud and the world didn't end, which is almost worse, because now I have to stand here and keep breathing with it exposed like an open wound I've been covering with dirty bandages for months.
I love her. I've loved her since she laughed at something stupid I said in the kitchen and I felt my whole chest rearrange itself. I loved her when I was cruel. I loved her when I made her flinch. I loved her every single time I walked away because walking away was the only decent thing I had left and I fucked that up too.
"And instead of telling me..." Reid's voice is quiet. Controlled. Worse than yelling. "Instead of leaving... you fucked with her?"
I am such a piece of shit. "I was trying to make her go," I say weakly. "I was trying to save you from me."
"You didn't save anyone." Reid’s voice is hollow. "You just broke everything."
He turns away from me, running a hand through his hair. He looksat the door. Then back at me. The anger is gone, replaced by something worse. Disgust.
"Get out," he says.
I nod. I expected this. I wanted this.
"Reid—"
"Don't." He holds up a hand. "Don't say anything else. Just... get out. I don't want you in the house. I don't want you near me."
"I'm leaving," I say. "Tomorrow. I accepted the contract."
