Page 173 of What We Break
"Things are getting serious with her, aren't they?" he asks suddenly.
The change of subject catches me off guard. "With Laine?"
"Yeah. This isn't just dating anymore."
I think about the conversations Laine and I have been having. About moving in together. About the future. About how I can't imagine my life without her in it.
"No," I say. "It's not just dating."
"How serious?"
"Serious enough that I want to talk about her moving in. Serious enough that I'm thinking about..." I pause, not sure I'm ready to say it out loud.
"About what?"
"Marriage, maybe. Eventually."
Blake goes very still. "Marriage."
"I know it's fast, but Blake, she's..." I search for the words. "She's it for me. I've never felt this way about anyone before."
"Right." Blake's voice is carefully neutral. "So this is permanent."
"I hope so."
Blake nods slowly. "And where does that leave me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean when you get married, when you have kids, when you build a real family - where do I fit in that picture?"
The question hits me hard, because the truth is, I haven't thoughtabout it. I've been so focused on what I want with Laine that I haven't considered how Blake fits into that future.
"You're my family too," I say.
"I'm your friend who you share a house with. There's a difference."
Would it be wrong to punch him when he's in this state? Because I really want to. I get he's in a dark place, but he's rewriting history. "Blake..."
"It's okay." Blake picks up the bottle again, but doesn't drink. "I get it. I do. But you have to understand - watching you build a life that doesn't include me, that can't include me... it's hard."
"It does include you."
"Does it? Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you're building a beautiful life with someone you love, and I'm just... here. In the way."
"You're not in the way."
"Then why do I feel like I am?"
I don't have a good answer for that. Because maybe he is in the way, just a little bit. Maybe having Blake here does make things more complicated with Laine. And yeah, maybe I have been choosing the easier path of staying at her place instead of figuring out how to make this work.
But that doesn't mean I want him gone.
"Don't re-enlist," I say again. "We'll figure this out. All of it. But don't leave because I'm being an idiot."
Blake drops his head, hands hanging between his knees. Finally he nods. "Okay."
"Okay?"
