Page 141 of What We Break
"I'm fine." I turn onto her street, hands doing the work my brain checked out of three blocks ago. "Just thinking about tonight. How fast things went sideways. One minute Blake's talking him down, the next he's got Carol in a chokehold and you're standing ten feet away and I'm too far to?—"
I stop. Jaw locks. Swallow.
"Anyway. It's fine. I'm fine."
"Your hands."
I look down. Knuckles bone-white on the steering wheel. Both of them. The shaking's gotten worse, not better — a low tremor running wrist to fingertip like aftershock.
"Shit." I pull into her apartment complex and park. Kill the engine. Then I just sit there, staring at my hands, trying to will them still.
Damn things aren't cooperating.
"This is stupid. I've been in worse situations. Way worse. People shooting at me worse."
Tonight was just chaos and this thing that said get to her before my brain even caught up. She wasn't even the one in danger. Carol was. Blake had it handled. And I still couldn't breathe until I had my hands on Laine.
Laine unbuckles her seatbelt and turns to face me completely. "What was different about tonight?"
Everything. The fear was different — sharper, more personal. Watching that guy spiral, knowing how fast things can go wrong. How fast they always go wrong. Laine standing right there, close enough to get hurt if Blake hadn't moved so fast.
And the relief after, when it was over and she was okay — like something fundamental clicked into a new position behind my ribs and I don't know how to click it back.
"I don't know," I say, which is a lie. I do know. It's just too big to put words on yet. "Just—when everything went sideways, I couldn't get to you fast enough. Blake had the guy, I knew Blake had the guy, and I still couldn't think about anything except getting to you." I laugh, but it sounds weird. "Usually I think. Thinking's kind of my thing. Assess the situation, consider options, don't be a hero. And tonight my brain just... left the building."
"But I wasn't in danger. Blake handled it."
"I know. That's what's messing with me." I scrub my hands over my face. "You wereneardanger. That was enough. My whole body went into overdrive for a situation that didn't even involve you directly."
"That's not a bad thing."
"Yeah, well." I scrub my hands over my face. "I'm supposed to bethe professional. Not the guy who goes full caveman because something scary happens near his girlfriend."
Laine's quiet for a second. "Caveman?"
"You know what I mean."
"I do." She reaches over and puts her hands on top of mine. Her fingers are warm and steady. "Do you want to come up? I've got tea. Or something stronger."
"Tea's good." I hate tea. But when Laine makes it, I'll drink it. Or at least I'll take a sip.
But I don't move to get out of the truck. I just sit there, hands finally steady now that she's touching them, trying to figure out what the hell is happening to me.
"Reid?"
"I was terrified," I say, and the words are out before I can grab them back. "When I saw him coming at you. Not regular scared. Terrified. Like my whole world was about to end and there was nothing I could do except—" I stop. Shake my head. "That sounds dramatic."
"It doesn't sound dramatic."
"Yeah it fucking does."
Laine squeezes my hands. "When you hugged me... I felt safe. Not just protected. Actually safe. Like nothing could get to me as long as you were there."
My fingers go slack in hers. Not pulling away — just all the tension draining out at once, like someone cut a wire that's been holding me taut for hours. This woman. This woman who's been to every corner of the planet, who's handled earthquakes and field surgeries and God knows what else — she feels safe with me.
I'm a very lucky man. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
