Page 122 of What We Break
I've been with other guys before. This isn't the same. Not just the physical stuff, though — yeah, incredible, obviously. It's the way Reid looks at me. Like I'm precious and special. Like he's in no rush. Like he wants to learn every single inch of me and he's planning to take his sweet time doing it.
I am so on board with that plan.
"Condom," I manage. "We need?—"
"Right." Reid reaches for the nightstand, fumbling with the drawer. I use the opportunity to unhook my bra and toss it aside.
When Reid turns back and sees me, he goes completely still. We've done a lot of heavy petting, a lot of touching, but most of it was in the dark of my bedroom or his. This is the first time we're actually getting to see each other, and oh my god, why did we wait so long?
"Holy shit," he breathes, and his voice comes out so quiet, so careful, like he's afraid of breaking something. My skin prickles everywhere his eyes land.
"Laine, I... fuck, you're incredible."
And what am I supposed to do with that? What do you do when someone gives you a compliment like that and clearly means it? I open my mouth to deflect, to say something about the lighting doing all theheavy lifting, but the way he's staring at me shorts out every joke I had loaded.
"Reid—"
"I'm serious. I've been thinking about this, about you, for weeks. But seeing you like this..." He shakes his head, slow, like his brain is buffering. "You're so much more than I imagined."
Heat crawls up my neck and spreads across my collarbones, and I can feel it, the blush betraying me in real time. So much for playing it cool. So much for pretending I'm not standing here completely undone by a guy who looks at me like I'm a miracle when I know for a fact I'm closer to a well-meaning disaster.
His words are making my stomach jump around. Not the polite flutter you get when someone says the right thing at the right time. This is bigger. Stupider.
Heat crawls up my neck. "More how?"
Reid's hands trace along my ribs, barely there, and I shiver like an idiot. "More beautiful. More real. More everything." His thumbs brush across my nipples and I arch into him before I can pretend I wasn't going to. "I've never wanted anyone the way I want you."
I've never had anyone look at me this way. Talk to me this way. Like I'm not just the fun option, the easy option, but someone worth the whole sentence.
Which is terrifying. Obviously.
"Show me," I whisper, tugging at his jeans because apparently I deal with emotional honesty the same way I deal with everything else — by moving forward before I can talk myself out of it. "Show me how much you want me."
Reid strips off the rest of his clothes, and when he settles between my legs, the weight of him is a lot. The good kind of a lot. All hard muscle and sharp edges pressing into my thighs, making me feel ridiculously soft by comparison.
"Laine," he says, his voice rough. "I need you to know... this matters to me. You matter to me."
The vulnerability in his voice — the way he needs me to understand this isn't just sex for him — my brain short-circuits for a second. Just goes blank. No sarcasm, no exit strategy, no clever little quip towedge between me and the thing I'm feeling. Just him, looking at me like that, and me, not running.
Dangerous. So dangerous.
"It matters to me too." And I mean it.
"Good." Reid leans down and kisses me, soft and sweet. "Because I don't think I could stop even if you asked me to."
That raw, ragged edge in his voice makes my knees wobble. He's just as gone as I am. Good.
"Then don't stop."
Reid reaches for the condom, and I watch him roll it on, my mouth going dry. When he positions himself at my entrance, we both go still. Just for a second. Like the air itself stopped moving.
"You sure?" he asks one more time, and his voice cracks on it, just barely.
I could say something. Could form an actual sentence like a functional human being. Instead, I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him closer. "Now."
"Look at me," he says, and when our eyes meet, he pushes inside slowly.
The stretch is perfect, exactly what I need, and there's no way I can stop the groan escaping me. Reid's jaw is tight above me, arms braced, tendons standing out like he's holding himself back with everything he's got.
