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enough money to pay for things Jonas and I needed.
And Jonas needed a lot. His therapy and special early learning programs weren’t cheap, but I
didn’t fully understand how expensive they were until Jonas and I were on our own and I was trying
to figure out how to pay for them myself.
Ever since my parents died, I’ve been…particular about cars and about driving. I can drive.
Ransom made sure of it. But I would much rather be a passenger. All my brothers are excellent
drivers, but when Jonas is behind the wheel, when we’re together, it feels like everything will be ok.
Yeah, he’s a fucking sharp driver, so that’s a part of it. But the bigger part is more dysfunctional.
When we’re in the car together, I know that if the worst happens, we’ll go together.
I always thought it would be better to die with my brother than to have to live without him.
Only recently am I coming to realize how fucked up that really is. How dependent on him I truly
am, that I didn’t believe I would survive it if I lost him.
“Are we supposed to be talking about feelings right now?” Jonas asks.
“Do you want to talk about feelings?”
“Maybe we should get it over with on Mondays, so the rest of the week we can go back to normal.
Plus, statistically, the work week is busy and allows for very little variance. You’re likely to be more
emotional on Mondays after a weekend of non-standard experiences.”
“Iam more likely to be emotional? What about you? Are you just level all the time now?”
Jonas frowns at the red light. “I am not…level, as you put it. I feel things all the time.”
“About Janey?”
“Yes. I feel…many things for her. It’s difficult to want something and know that you will never
have it.”
“Never is a long time. You just need to wait for an opening, remember? If you want her, just
wait.”
“I am not good at waiting for things. I find I am struggling to stay focused, and that’s not at all like
me.”
“Focus and fixation are your superpowers. We’ve put them to good use over the years,” I murmur.
Ransom was ruthless, pulling us into his group. Well…pulling Jonas into the fold. He saw Jonas’s
potential and came after him. But I knew Jonas needed me and that it would be a cold day in hell
before I’d let him go anywhere without me, especially at twelve years old. The rest of the boys
