Page 100 of Zach
And I don’t like what I’m seeing.
But as I always do, I raise my head, turn to face him, and tell him what he needs to hear. This
time, that’s the truth.
“I didn’t know I was doing that…but yes.”
His eyes shutter. “It is a habit. One you need to break yourself of. Quickly.”
“Maybe,” I say, forcing the words out through the tightness in my throat.
“Not maybe.” His words are clipped, hard. “You have to stop. Because now that I know about it, I
will be watching. I will feel crushed by the weight of your worry.”
“I don’t know how to stop worrying,” I admit, studying his features, so familiar. And yet, beneath
them, there is so much more going on that I can’t touch.
“I worry about you too sometimes, you know.”
“You do?” Why does that feel so earth-shattering? Am I a complete dick for thinking that he was
as oblivious to me as he is to most of the world? But maybe Ihavehad my head way up my own ass.
His next words prove that I have.
“Yes. I can tell if you are not feeling well. Or if something is bothering you.” He rubs a hand over
his stomach, frowning at my cheek in the mirror. Sometimes, like in moments like these, highly
charged and emotional, his dislike of holding my gaze for long is a blessing, giving me time to
regroup.
“I want to make it better for you, too,” he says quietly. “But I trust you to manage your emotions.
And to come to me if you require help. Can you not do the same?”
He’s not oblivious…at all. “I didn’t think you saw when I was…struggling. You never mentioned
it.”
“Was I supposed to?” he asks uncertainly.
I open my mouth to tell him it’s fine, that it doesn’t matter. But I stop. This is exactly what he’s
asking me to stop doing, isn’t he? Stop protecting him and treating him like a child.
“Sometimes,” I say, wetting my lips and looking him dead in his eyes, “it feels like you’re not
interested in me. Like I don’t matter. You asking me how I’m doing and showing me you notice when
I’m having a bad day would…be nice.”
Jonas’s hands start the rubbing motion again as he looks up at the ceiling. “It would make you
happy…to have me mention that you are emotional?”
