Page 32 of Colton
“You already admitted you have feelings for him. If he’s interested, and you’re interested, then it seems pretty easy to me.” Becca says.
“It’s not easy though! He’s done so much for us. He’s my landlord, for fuck’s sake.”
She rolls her eyes. “You guys will never be on equal footing financially. But should that really matter? Did you only date guys in the past who earned exactly the same salary as you?”
Frowning, I sort of see her point. “No, but they were at least in the same wheelhouse.”
“Look,” Becca says, “I’ll admit I flipped out about the whole billionaire thing too, at first. But I’ve been with Kade a while now, and here’s what I’ve figured out…you ready?”
“You want a fucking spotlight? Should I beg? Speak, woman.” I mutter, making her laugh.
“Ok, so Holly will probably back me up on this. Money barely registers in our lives day-to-day. We go to work, come home, have dinner, and spend time with friends. It’s all everyday stuff people all over the world do.”
“Yep,” Holly chimes in, “Only instead of doing it in a small apartment, we do it in upgraded surroundings. The only time the money is really in your face is when the men decide they need something. When Micah and I first got together, he drove his old car to work. Classic old, not rusted old. But when I started going with him, he bought a brand new luxury SUV. It wasn’t to flaunt. He just wanted me to be in something safer, with airbags and all the latest safety features. So, I won’t fight it.”
“And I’m this close,” Becca says, holding her fingers an inch apart, “to letting Kade buy me a car. It would make him so happy. Though for now, I’m having a lot of fun letting him convince me.” A flush travels up her neck, her eyes get hazy, and I know exactly how he’s trying to convince her.
“It’s been just them for a long time. I sometimes forget that.” Holly says. “They’re all in their thirties and have been hyper-focused on building their empire. Now they’re realizing there’s more to life than that. I’m telling you that Colton’s been happier this month, having you in his life. There’s no reason that won’t continue.”
“What’s the next objection?” Becca asks. “I already forgot most of that bullshit that came out of your mouth.”
My lips quirk at bullshit. “It is bullshit. Intellectually I get that. But the man looks like he lives in the gym. And I don’t. He’s stunning, and I’m on my way back to size eighteen.”
Becca hums, then scoots forward, arms outstretched. I didn’t realize she was a hugger, so I drop my knees and lean in. Then, striking like a snake, she flicks me in the forehead.
“Ow! What the fuck was that for?” I yell, rubbing my aching head.
Holly tips over onto her side, clutching her stomach. Laughing so hard, she’s not making any sound.
Becca growls at me. “This is not a fucking movie, Evie. You don’t need some makeover to be worthy of being loved. Own your awesomeness, woman!”
“She’s right,” Holly gasps from the floor. “I mean, your eyelashes are stunning. I would kill for hair as thick and shiny as yours, and you have a great ass.”
“That’s true, but it wouldn’t matter if she had buck teeth and a mole in the middle of her face, because you fucking shine, woman.” She shakes her finger at me. “You have sass for days, and you are an amazing mother. Why can’t that be enough? I know the world tells us we need to be perfect size sixes with ass and tits, but most women aren’t ever going to be that ideal. It doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved.”
“Ah…you’re really passionate about this.”
Becca’s eyes darken. “I have seen what happens to women who don’t value themselves. They end up with men who don’t value them either.” She glances over at Holly, biting her lip.
Holly frowns, pushing herself back to sitting. “She’s right,” she says quietly. “My parents raised me to believe that I had no intrinsic value. I was supposed to pray and save myself for my husband. I tried to escape that programming, but it’s hard to silence all those voices telling you that you’re less than. So when Brent started treating me like I was special, I wanted to believe it so badly. My gut was screaming at me to run away, but I ignored it and married him anyway. It took me a long time to believe I deserve to be happy and even longer to allow Micah to love me.”
I scoot forward until I can hold Holly’s hand. Becca takes our free hands, so we’re all joined in a circle. Our eyes are all wet.
“Would you ever tell your daughter that she wasn’t beautiful enough, or smart enough, for a man? Would you ever want her to feel less than?” Becca asks softly.
A tear falls, trailing down my cheek. “Never,” I say in a thin voice.
“Except,” she says, shattering me, “you are. She’s watching you, mama. Your actions are speaking far louder than words. You don’t think you’re worthy of Colton’s love? She’s going to see that. You don’t ever want her to feel less than? You’re going to have to show her what it looks like to love yourself.”
I raise my shoulder, using it to wipe my wet cheek. “How the hell did you get so smart, Becca?”
“I watched a lot of Oprah,” she says dreamily. “That woman is an angel.”
Holly and I dissolve into giggles.
“So what do I do?” I ask in a whisper.
Becca smiles. “Start inviting him into your life. In whatever way feels good to you.”
