Page 33 of Micah
I swallow tightly, thinking about the worse too.“I haven’t said it…but thank you for coming. And for taking care of me. That first night I was in so much pain…anyway, thank you for being there.”
I can’t meet his eyes, but he’s not going to let me get away with that. He nudges my chin until my eyes are tipped up to his. I hold my breath as he brings our faces together. Just when I think he might press his lips to mine, he turns, sliding his stubbled cheek over mine, stopping when his lips are pressed to my temple. And if his touch stole my breath, well, his words they fill me with life.
“Always…be…there..p-promise.”
16
MICAH
Ican feel my heart beating in my ears. I don’t think that’s normal, but right this minute, I don’t give a fuck. Because Holly’s in my arms and all's right with my world. We’re about to get into some heavy shit, I know it. And it’s going to fucking gut me, but I need her to know I can handle all her dark parts. All of her pain. I want to savor her closeness, the softness of her skin, the faint smell of strawberry on her skin, but it’s time to pull off the band aid.
I let my mind muddle through the word for a minute, so I can get it out clearly, before finally asking, “Pregnant…tell.” She stiffens, her breath rattling in her chest, so I wrap my arms around her again, careful to keep my arms loose. She’s been giving me more and more of her trust, and I don’t want to fuck it up by making her feel trapped.
“Tell,” I beg her again.
She takes a deep breath, pressing her cheek against mine before sliding her head back to look at me. Her hands rise to play with the neck of my t-shirt. “I was…Brent controlled everything. He didn’t want me on birth control. But the idea of bringing a baby into my marriage was…terrifying.”
“Need…baby…safe.”
Her eyes slide away. “Partly…but honestly, I knew if we had a baby, I’d die.”
My throat closes up at the certainty in her voice. At the idea of her not being on this earth. At the possibility of never meeting her.
“Explain.”
Her mouth twists. “Brent is very regimented. Dinner at 6:30. Pants ironed on a pleat. Bathrooms cleaned on Tuesdays. Babies don’t respect schedules. Dinner might be late, or I won't get to the ironing because the baby’s fussy. So messing with that schedule, well, I was pretty sure he’d end up beating me to death. Following his schedule, his rules, was the only way to keep myself safe. So for my sake, I never wanted a baby.” She bites her lip, watching me nervously.
“Good…smart,” I reassure her. Wanting her to stop hurting that soft lip. I reach up and gently pull her lip out of her teeth, smoothing my thumb over it until the marks are gone. Focusing on her enticing mouth, it takes me a minute to realize she’s panting. Her cheeks flushed, her eyes cloudy. Need and invitation written all over her face.
A stupid man would respond to the invitation. But this stunning, sensual woman doesn’t even realize what her body’s asking for. She hasn’t known need or pleasure. So yeah, a stupid man would push it.
I’m far from stupid.
Instead of giving into my instinct to plunder, I slide my thumb from her lip to her cheek, and give her a grin. “Talk…woman.”
She returns my smile, the dazed look slowly fading from her face. I mourn it, but have every confidence that I’ll see it again. I’ll make sure of it. She’s so fucking responsive it will be my absolute pleasure to make her look at me like that again. And again.
“Ah…where was…” she clears her throat “right. So I knew a baby would be bad. I got on the pill when we got married, but right after our first anniversary, Brent started to make a fuss about them. He took them away. So one day, while Brent was at work, I drove to the next town over and got an implant in my arm. Then I never refilled my prescription. Brent figured he’d won and would get what he wanted.”
“He…wanted?” I prompt.
“Another way to control me, I think. He never seemed to have any interest in kids. But a baby would be another tie binding me to him.”
I hum, knowing she’s right.
“Then…how…preg…preg…preggo?” I take a few deep breaths to calm myself, my stuttering a clear sign I’m getting emotional.
Holly giggles at preggo, so I wink and playfully scowl at her. I’ll sing her the fucking alphabet song, stuttering the whole way if it gets her to light up like that.
I used to hate people laughing at me. Shutting them up with my fists was really fucking effective. But Holly’s laugh is different. It’s not mocking or mean.
Her smile fades, eyes turning stormy. “Implants are only supposed to last for three years. I was able to get it replaced once, but by the time I got pregnant, I was overdue. I knew that wasn’t smart, but getting away to get it replaced felt impossible. I got a couple of shots at the clinic in the hospital, but those are only for 3 months. And then every time I had an appointment for another Implant, I couldn’t go. Because Brent beat me, or he forced me to cancel my volunteer shift and I couldn’t get away. And then, my period didn’t come.” She blushes when she says period. I’m no expert on women, but I’m a grown fucking man. She doesn’t need to be shy about her body with me. I have plans to learn everything about it, and what it needs.
“So your…”What the fuck is the sign for period? That’s something we never learned as kids. Maybe we should have spent a little less time learning to swear in ASL.“What’s the sign for…period?” She smiles and shows me.“So your period was late. That must have been scary.”
“It was terrifying. I’d been afraid of it for months, and finally it happened. I didn’t know for sure, but I grabbed a test and took it during one of my shifts at the hospital.”
“I can’t imagine. Seriously. I’ve had my brothers by my side for more than twenty years. Anything big happened, I had a support system. You had no one.”
