Page 47 of Forever Dark
“Where you staying?”
“The Wilson Motel.”
Robert made a quiet sound in his throat.“Eric Wilson’s place?That punk.You know you still have your old room here.”
She glanced at him.“I don’t think Eric is the kid you remember, Dad.Besides, Diane would justloveme staying here.”
Sarcasm came out sharper than she meant it to.
“Don’t be too hard on her,” he said.“You went off and had your adventures.She got stuck looking after her father.”
The words stung because they were true enough to sting.
Selena rose before she could answer in a way she’d regret.“I better go.”
Robert started to push himself up.
“It’s okay, Dad,” she said.“You stay comfy.”
He ignored that, of course.Both hands braced on the chair arms; he got to his feet in stages.Watching him struggle through the simple act of standing made something pull hard inside her chest.By the time he was upright, she was already close enough to smell the pipe tobacco again.
“Please come back,” he said.“Come for dinner.”
“I’ll call ahead this time,” she said with a gentle smile.
A faint smile touched his mouth.“That would be nice.”
Instead of hugging him again, Selena leaned in and kissed his cheek.The gesture surprised both of them a little.His skin felt cold and rough.He closed his eyes for half a moment as if savoring the affection.
“I’ll come by soon,” she said.
His hand found hers and squeezed.The grip was weaker than it used to be, but it was still his.
“I’d like that.”
She held on one second longer, then let go.
The yard seemed darker crossing back through it.Porch light behind her.Car waiting at the curb.The old swing shifted in the breeze with a soft rusty creak.When Selena reached the driver’s door, she looked back once.
Robert had lowered himself into the chair again.Pipe ember glowing dull orange.One hand lifted in a small wave.
She lifted hers back and got into the car.
The engine started.She drove to the corner, turned, and then pulled over so abruptly the seat belt locked against her chest.The sound of the crickets disappeared into nothingness like a faded memory.
The first sob hit before she fully understood what was happening.
It tore out of her, hard and ugly and humiliating in the dark cab of the rental.She bent forward over the steering wheel and tried to drag air into her lungs, but another came behind it, and then another.Tears blurred the dash lights into smeared color.One hand covered her mouth as if that might contain the sound.
It didn’t.
Years had gone by without this.Funerals, crime scenes, men with bullets in them, women who had lost children, victims staring at her across interview tables while trying not to break.She had held together through all of it.That was part of the job.Part of being Selena Raven.Hold the line.Keep the voice even.Finish what’s in front of you.
A detour and a porch and her father saying Lena had broken through all of that in under twenty minutes.
“I’m fine,” she said aloud, and the words came out shredded and her breathing was staggered.
Nothing about this felt fine.
