Page 62 of Cross the Line
I stopped abruptly. Spun toward him with a flash of anger that burned through the numbness. "Don't. Just... don't."
We completed the rest of the walk to our government-assigned apartment in silence. Each step felt like moving through concrete. My body growing heavier as reality sank deeper. By the time we reached our door, identical to every other door in the Service housing block, my hands were shaking so badly the lock wouldn't cooperate. Hawley gently took the keys and opened it for me.
The moment the door closed behind us, I yanked at my tie with jerky movements. Desperate to breathe. The knot caught. Tightened instead of loosening. I pulled harder. Movements clumsy with frustration.
I tossed the reassignment folder onto the standardized table. It slid across the surface and fell to the floor. Papers spilling out like entrails. Neither of us moved to pick it up.
"This is exactly what happened before. They're using the same playbook. First they isolate you. Then they discredit you. Then they bury you."
Hawley leaned against the wall. Watched with that unreadable look. His stillness only highlighted my own chaotic movement as pacing consumed the small living room.
I moved to the kitchen, then back. Couldn't stay still. The shaking wouldn't stop. "You don't understand what this means. If they reopen the investigation, if they pin this on me..."My throat constricted. "I won't just lose my badge. I'll lose everything."
The room seemed to be shrinking. The air pressing in. Heart hammering against my ribs like it was trying to escape. Not enough air.
"They're going to win, and I can't stop them, and nobody's going to believe me because why would they? I'm just the pretty boy who messed up, right? I'm just..."
Words broke completely. I pressed my hands against my temples. Tried to hold back the humiliating burn of tears. My legs suddenly weak, like they might give out.
Hawley stayed motionless. Watched me come apart piece by piece. Took in every tremor. Every fractured breath. Silent. His attention never wavered. A silent witness to my unraveling.
I didn't hear Hawley move away. My breaths came too fast. Too shallow. Filled my ears with the sound of panic. Not until the faucet squeaked on did I register his absence. The familiar domestic sound of running water cut through the roaring in my head. Provided a momentary point of stillness.
My legs finally gave out. I sank to the floor. Spine against the wall. Dropped my head into cupped hands. The apartment's worn surface pressed against my tailbone. Barely registered. Everything had narrowed to the thundering of my pulse and the tightness in my chest.
I didn't look up when Hawley's footsteps returned. The sound stopped in front of me. A shadow fell across my hunched form.
"Drink this."
I raised my head to see Hawley standing over me. A glass of water extended. That unreadable look stayed in place, but something in his eyes had softened. Not pity. Something quieter. Understanding, maybe.
I reached for the glass. Coordination had abandoned me. Violent shaking sent ripples across the water's surface. WhenI finally grasped it, the glass rattled against my teeth. Water sloshed over the rim. Spilled down my chin and onto my shirt.
"I can't..." I started. The words died in my throat as the glass slipped away.
It shattered against the floor with a sound like breaking ice. Splashed water everywhere.
"I can't do this again."
Words cracking open. All the emotions suppressed since my transfer. The shame. The anger. The fear. Rushing up all at once.
Not again.
"I can't be their scapegoat again."
Shoulders beginning to shake. I tried to hold it back. To maintain some shred of dignity. Too late.
The careful version of me I'd held together for months collapsed completely. A sob tore from my throat. Raw and ugly.
Chapter 24: And What After?
Ryan
"I did everything right. I followed every rule. I was their golden boy. And they threw me away like I was nothing."
I pressed the back of my hand against my mouth. Tried to push the sound back in. Another came out. And another. Tears burned hot tracks down my cheeks.
I couldn't look at Hawley. Couldn't bear to see what might be on his face.
