Page 175 of Camp Bliss
I roll my eyes. “Dude, you change your mind, just say the word. Then I can wash my hands of you.”
My old friend’s face crumples, and he folds forward. The sound of weeping makes me feel like an ass.
I drop to the foot of the bed closest to him.
Dammit.
Now I really can’t blame Greta for letting him stay.
Shit.
This is way harder than I thought it would be.
“C’mon, Josh,” I say gently, resigned to my fate as someone who can’t turn his back on a friend. Even a shit friend. “Talk to me.”
He sobs harder. “I-I…” He sniffs and wipes his nose on his arm. “I came b-back to try to fix things.”
Fix things?
How can you fix things when you’ve burned to the ground everything you had with the two closest people in your life?
I’m dying to ask the question, but it would just be cruel.
“With Greta?” I make myself ask instead.
He nods and then brings his wet gaze up to mine. “W-With h-her… and… with you.”
It’s like he can only stand to look me in the eye for a few seconds because he covers his face after he speaks.
I huff a humorless laugh. “You’re doing things out of order, aren’t you?” I ask.
The question throws him off enough to make him lift his face out of his hands. “What?Whatdyamean?”
I shrug. “Not sure which step it is, but isn’t there a Twelve-Step level where you make amends?”
His brows draw together, but, honestly, he looks less troubled. Almost relieved. He swallows. “Y-Yeah… I think so.”
Something in his expression makes me keep going. “You trying to make amends before getting help?”
His mouth tightens in a way I know means he’s trying not to break down again. Instead of answering, he just nods.
He keeps nodding, eyes to the floor.
“I reeeally…reeeallyfucked up.” His words still sound stretched out, but he’s not slurring quite as bad as he was back at the camper.
Now I’m the one nodding. “Yeah, Josh. You really did.”
He scratches his overgrown beard in agitation. “I… wanted to try… to put things back… the way they were.” He chances a glance back at me.
I’m not about to lie or sugar coat.
“No way that can happen, man.” I shake my head. “No way.”
Josh tips his head up and his eyes search the ceiling. His sigh goes on forever. “Yeah… I know.”
Good. I’m glad he knows. That way I don’t have to be a dick about it.
Then he shrugs. “When I saw Gret… and she agreed to let me stay…” He shrugs again, tips his head back down, and doesn’t bother hiding the sad smile. “I thought…maybe.”
