Page 117 of Shelter
He moved his hands to my shoulders. “Wait. Can we try something first?”
I stilled, my heart stuttering. “Try something?”
He nodded, and one hand left my shoulder. Cole patted his chest. I swear, the beseeching look in his eyes sliced me right open. “Come here.”
My breath left me so quickly I didn’t know how I kept it from sounding like a sob. I hesitated for only a moment, but as soon as I angled toward him, Cole crushed me against his chest, wrapping his arms tight around me.
And. It. Felt. So. Damn. Good.
With my ear pressed to him, I heard and felt his sigh. Tucked under his chin, I closed my eyes as he moved his mouth to the top of my head, kissing me there. His breath tickled my hair, and I shook with my own sigh.
“I’m still me, Elise.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to believe him. He was the only man who’d ever made me feel like he knew me. Like I was worth knowing. Nothing else in the world felt like that, and I’d chased after that feeling with every guy I’d dated or crushed on since him. No one else had even come close.
But Cole was also the person who’d left me without so much as a backward glance. And, yeah, I knew he had his reasons. They were reasons I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Certainly not him. But just like I’d never been able to forget how good he’d made me feel that night, I didn’t know if I could forget the way it had felt when he left.
“I’m still me,” he said again, the flat of his hand smoothing up my back. “And I’m right here.”
His latest words pulled another sigh from me. He was here. In the flesh. Holding me in his arms and asking me to stay. I couldn’t deny it wasn’t what I’d always wanted. Even after I told myself I shouldn’t want it.
I spread my fingers against his chest, loving the warm realness of him while I still debated leaving. “As good as this feels…” I was glad I didn’t have to look him in the eye to say what I needed to say. “…I don’t know if I can trust it.”
One of Cole’s hands slid up my back and over my shoulder to catch me under the chin. He tilted my face up until those startling blue eyes pinned me with all their force.
“Trustme, you mean.” Regret furrowed his brow, and I wanted so much just to smooth it, but how could I reassure him when I was anything but reassured?
“Maybe if you just give me some time—“
Cole gave one, firm shake of his head. “I honestly think that’s the last thing we need.”
I choked on a startled laugh. “What?”
He pulled me closer to him. “I don’t need more time to know that I want to be with you. I’ve always known. I want you to stay with me tonight.” His voice seemed to pour through me, warming me in places deep and aching. “Stay with me the whole weekend, and then tell me you don’t trust me.”
My jaw dropped. “Cole, that’s insane.”
“I know.” He nodded, and the look he wore told me he did. “But it’s also right.”
“H-how can it be right?” My heartbeat quickened, unsure if it should fight for what it wanted or flee from what it feared.
I watched Cole swallow. “Because for the last eight years, I’ve listened to my head. I’ve planned out every course. I’ve calculated risks. I’ve tried to think my way out of every problem.” His eyes blazed with feeling. “It’s what led me into a thousand mistakes with Ava. I thought I could reason with her. Reason our way out of her pain. It was the same with my mother…”
His voice choked off as his gaze drifted down between us. Pain, ages old, ravaged his beautiful face.
It killed me.
“You can’t blame yourself. Not for what happened to either of them.”
His world-weary brow lifted. “Can’t I?”
Now my hands sought his cheeks. My lips pressed the gentlest of kisses to his forehead. I held them there, willing comfort into him.
“You can’t,” I whispered. “None of that was your fault.”
He clasped his hands around my wrists, keeping my hands against his warm face. “If I would have listened to the beast in my heart, I would have kidnapped my mother.” He spoke without blinking, peering so intently into my eyes, as if he was confessing. “Not hours before my father had a chance to kill her — but years. If I would have listened to the child in my heart, I would have understood that what Ava needed most after our parents were gone was to come home.”
I watched him swallow. His chest rose and fell. “My voice of reason, that bastard, is telling me to give you your space. But my heart…” He licked his lips, and my gaze fell to his mouth, hanging on his every word. “My heart is telling me not to let you out of my sight.”
