Page 47 of You First
On their morning walk minutes later, Meredith took a slightly different route, heading to Curtis Street and up to Juliette Place. It was about the halfway point between the McCormicks’ and Gray’s houses, and the walk only took her seven minutes, which meant, if she wanted to, she could get to work on foot in fifteen.
Meredith felt a strange sense of peace knowing his house was so close.
She turned and headed back, relieved she had a reason to be out of the house all day. The shower had helped, but Meredith was still disgusted with herself. The more she let Jamie have his way, the more he believed they had a future together. No matter what she said.
Their living situation was impossible. They weren’t a couple. They didn’t even like each other. They never held hands, and the only time they touched was when Jamie wanted to get into her pants. No matter what Jamie said in bed, swearing that he missed her, calling herbae —which she hated — and even touching her body, Meredith felt it for what it was. Jamie McCormick wanted her because she didn’t want him. She was a conquest, something to be claimed and tamed.
And it had been like that since she’d moved in. Once he got over the fact she and their unborn baby hadn’t just disappeared, Jamie had gotten the surprise of his life. He’d discovered Meredith no longer wanted him. Since this defied the laws of his universe, Jamie had set about to put things right, and about two months after she’d moved in, he’d proposed.
And she’d said no.
At first he’d been stunned. Then he’d been pissed. And Meredith had known it had nothing to do with caring about her or needing to be with her. It had to do with getting his way. With controlling her.
She’d turned him down every time he asked her to marry him, but Meredith hadn’t come out and said she’dnevermarry him. She had no idea what he would do if she did.
And maybe that made her no better than he was.
Meredith hated that she needed Jamie and his parents. Not just for a roof over her head but for help with Oscar too. If her new job worked out, she might be able to get her own place after saving for a while. She probably had enough for a deposit on an efficiency apartment, but she had no furniture or housewares. Just clothes, her car, laptop, her phone, and books.
And even if she could save up for a couch, a bed, a kitchen table, dishes, and a microwave, she still wouldn’t be able to afford daycare. She’d still need Leona, a fact that galled her. Meredith didn’t think the woman would ever turn Oscar away, and for this she was grateful, but if and when she was ever able to move out on her own, Meredith would have to be very careful about how she negotiated their relationship.
Back at the house, Meredith could hear Leona and Big Jim getting ready for their outing, and the door to her bedroom remained closed. She had no doubt Jamie was still asleep, so she made breakfast for Oscar and herself, and they headed to Rouse’s.
“You’re so good, buddy,” Meredith told him in the checkout aisle. They’d spent an hour in the store, and Oscar hadn’t fussed once. She’d planned on buying provisions for spaghetti with meat sauce and chicken and dumplings, but she also picked up a pie crust and some Granny Smith apples, hoping Gray’s sweet tooth wasn’t limited to cookies and smoothies.
Meredith’s head was full of recipes and spices as she drove down St. Landry, but as soon as she turned onto Dean Street, she gasped. Jamie’s truck was gone. She pulled into the driveway and texted him.
Meredith:I have to get to work. WTH are you?
Maybe he’d just gone out for doughnuts or Skoal. It was only a little after nine in the morning. She didn’t even think he’d be up yet.
Meredith waited. No response came.
She decided to call instead. And the phone rang. And rang. And then his stupid, stupid voicemail message came over the line.
“Hey, I know you’re disappointed ‘cause I didn’t answer. But cheer up. I’ll call you back… maybe.”
“Jamie, where are you? I have work, and you need to watch our son. Call me back.” Meredith hung up, remembering Leona’s smug look of doubt at the breakfast table. Did she have something to do with this? Why was Jamie even up and out of the house this early?
“Don’t get paranoid,” she told herself. Meredith rolled her eyes and left the car. The temperature was only in the forties, so the food would be safe in the trunk for a little while. She got Oscar out of his car seat and headed inside. At least she could put her son in a fresh diaper before Jamie arrived. The chances of Jamie changing a diaper were next to nothing.
Thirty minutes, four texts, and five calls later, Jamie had yet to be found. Cursing, Meredith texted her boss.
Meredith:Can I ask a really enormous favor?
His response was immediate.
Gray:Only if it doesn’t involve birds that talk. Those freak me the hell out. Not a fan of owls either.
Half the tension she held left with her laughter.
Meredith:No talking birds or owls. I promise. I’m in a bind, and I have no one to watch Oscar. Can he come with me today?
She shut her eyes and pressed send. Gray wasn’t Mr. Simmons. Not by a long way. But she’d lost her last job because she didn’t have childcare. She couldn’t afford for that to happen again.
Gray:Of course. But if it’s a problem, you don’t have to come today. I’ll be fine.
That wasn’t what she wanted at all. She had a car full of food. And she didn’t want to spend the day at the McCormicks’. But more than that, Meredith knew that she wanted to see Gray.
