Page 133 of You First
Meredith:Hi.
It was the lamest text in the history of texting, but it was all she felt safe enough to say. That, and her heart was pounding so hard, Meredith thought she might have to sit down on the curb.
Gray:What are you doing today?
His question surprised her, and every answer that came to mind was completely unacceptable. She couldn’t say“Crying,”which would have been the truth. And she couldn’t lie and say“Getting a mani-pedi with my friend, Jill,”even though Gray wouldn’t know she didn’t have a friend named Jill.
Meredith:Studying and stuff.
As soon as she pressed send, Meredith felt like an idiot. She sounded like she was thirteen. Why couldn’t she have said laundry or bills or shopping?
Gray:Would you be able to come see me today?
“Walk, Mama,” Oscar ordered.
Meredith looked up and realized she’d just stopped in the road.
“Sorry, Oscar,” she muttered and pushed the stroller forward.
Meredith:I don’t know.
She pulled in a breath and let it go. Seeing him would be harder today than it had been yesterday. Yesterday, shock had shielded her — if only a little. But after a night of tears and heartbreak, she felt rubbed raw. She didn’t think she could look at him without losing it.
Gray:I’d really like to see you.
When she didn’t respond, he texted again.
Gray:And I’d come to you, but, you see, I just had brain surgery…
In spite of herself, Meredith laughed. And it hurt too. Because this was her Gray. This was the sense of humor she recognized, tinged with sarcasm and playful teasing.
Meredith:I don’t have anyone to watch Oscar.
His response was immediate.
Gray:Your son? Bring him.
So, he knew about Oscar… and he still wanted to see her…
“Mama! Walk!”
She’d stopped again. With Oscar’s command, she jumped and got the stroller moving.
Meredith:I don’t think they allow toddlers into ICU.
Gray:Not in ICU. They moved me last night to a private room. Toddlers welcome.
Meredith kept her feet going but stared at her phone. She doubted she could actually sit in a room with him and pretend she wasn’t heartbroken. Making the loop on Shady Oaks, she turned back onto Holden.
Gray: While you’re deciding, tell me something about us.
It may as well have been a spear, it pierced her so cleanly. Tears fogged her eyes, and she had to steer Oscar’s stroller up the Cormier’s drive through the blur. She wiped them with the sleeve of his sweater, and when she reached it, Meredith slumped onto the bumper of her car.
Gray:I’ll go first if you’re shy. You saved my life. Thanks, by the way.
“Mama, why you cwying?” Oscar looked up at her with a frown, his own bottom lip trembling. She reached forward and unbuckled him from the stroller.
“I’m just feeling sad, Oscar,” she said, scooping him up and settling him on her lap. “I’ll be okay.”
