Page 76 of What If It Was Us
“Just write something generic, like ‘Have a great summer, Jackson’,” he said with a lazy smile.
I rolled my eyes. “What’d you write in mine?”
His finger kept inching higher and higher. “You’ll see later.”
He pressed a light kiss to my kneecap, fully eliminating any rational thought from my brain. I tried to write “Addison Bianchi loves Jackson forever” but instead I accidentally wrote “Addison Delvecchio loves Jackson forever,” and sloppily drew a slice of pizza next to it.
I set the yearbook on the bed next to me, and watched him. His eyes were locked on mine as he continued this game, stroking his finger back and forth under the hem of my dress. I could feel my breathing getting deeper, and the rise and fall of his chest started to match mine.
His finger finally made its way under my dress, playfully running back and forth on the fabric of my underwear. It moved down betweenmy legs, then back up toward my hips. Back and forth, back and forth, until my body involuntarily started moving toward him.
He finally touched me where I was aching for him, and I arched my back to meet him. A sparkler of pleasure rolled through my body, and I pushed my lips together to refrain from making any sound. He slid his finger in and out, slowly and agonizingly, as his eyes stayed locked on mine. He slipped his thumb under the fabric next, and suddenly I was nothing but jerky limbs against his hand. I whispered his name in a gasp.
Jackson smiled, and I was aching for him to kiss me—to lose all of myself in the sensation of him.
I was close to fully unraveling, and Jackson could sense it. He leaned forward to cover my mouth with his other hand, nodding at me like he was giving me permission to let myself succumb to the feeling. It was the hottest thing I’d ever experienced in my life. He pressed his lips against the hand covering my mouth, whispering for me toshhh. I squeezed my eyes shut and let the waves roll through me over and over again as my body jerked beneath him.
I could feel the flush of heat in my cheeks, and when I opened my eyes, Jackson removed his hand to finally kiss me on the lips. A soft sweet peck that left me wanting more, more,more.
“Do you have a condom?” I asked breathlessly as I started to crawl on top of him.
He nodded yes and started digging around in the drawer of his bedside dresser, pulling out the packet. I ripped it from his hands, impatient and frenzied as he undid his pants before I slid it on him.
He helped me take off my underwear in a mess of limbs, and shoved them into the drawer he had gotten the condom from.
I lowered myself onto him, and his head fell back to rest against the wall, his mouth slightly parted as he watched me rock back and forthon him. I heard the smallest sound escape from his lips, and I placed my pointer finger there, signaling for him to stay quiet. His hands were gripping my hips so tightly that I was sure I’d have bruises from his touch later.
We didn’t even kiss—we stayed in pained silence as we examined every single part of each other. His eyes kept flicking between my face and where our bodies were connected, and I tried to stamp every detail of this moment into my brain: The beads of sweat beginning to form at his hairline that matched the trickle I felt rolling down my spine, the freckle on his collarbone that popped out just below his collar, the fabric of his sheets digging into my knees as they pressed deeper and deeper into his mattress, and my favorite part—the look in Jackson’s deep-brown eyes as he watched me.
He mouthedI love youbeneath my finger, which was still pressed against his lips, and I mouthed it back just as he bit his bottom lip. I could feel his body tightening, and he leaned forward to press his face into my neck to stifle his sounds. His teeth clamped onto my shoulder, and his hands moved to my back to press me closer to him.
I tangled my fingers in his hair, kneading back and forth until his body stilled. He exhaled a long breath before leaning back and putting my hair behind my ears. The kiss he gave me settled something inside me. This was the moment I actuallybelievedhe was in love with me. Because he was telling me when he was sober. The feeling that passed between us was something I knew I would never experience again in this lifetime.
We both heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and we flew apart. He ripped off the condom and threw it in the drawer that still had my underwear in it, then his fingers flew to his pants to zip and button them. I fixed my dress, then pretended to look at the framed pictureson his dresser while he grabbed his yearbook and placed it on his lap to cover himself.
Two knocks sounded on the door before Jackson managed to say, “Come in.”
I could feel liquid dripping down my thigh, and I tightened my legs together in hopes it wouldn’t drip to my ankle.
“It’s almost time for the senior party,” Marie said from the doorway. I kept my back to her, too worried she’d see on my face that I had just lost my virginity to her son. My eyes flicked over to Jackson to see if he looked just as guilty as I was sure I did.
“I’ll leave in a second,” Jackson said without looking up from the yearbook.
I could feel Marie’s eyes on my back, looking back and forth between us. I finally risked a peek over my shoulder at her, and she gave me a genuine smile before shutting the door and leaving. I waited until I heard her steps descending the stairs before turning around.
When my eyes met Jackson’s, we both cracked up laughing, him covering his face and shaking his head while I put a fist to my mouth and released a full belly laugh.
“We can never have peace,” Jackson joked as I walked toward him on the bed.
“I think I might be bleeding,” I said, even though I was still laughing.
I grabbed a tissue from his bedside table and swiped it up my thigh, finding a small trail of blood. Jackson reached forward to hold up my dress for me while I cleaned myself. He didn’t say it was gross, or make some stupid teenage boy comment about fucking me too hard. Instead, he grabbed another tissue and helped me clean up the mess.
“Is it obvious that was my first time?” I asked as we bundled up the tissues and shoved them to the bottom of the trash can in his room.
Jackson grabbed my hands, pulling me into a hug. My head was tucked under his chin, and I buried my face into his chest.
“Was it obvious that was mine, too? That barely lasted five minutes,” he said into my hair.
