Page 50 of What If It Was Us
“Jackson is kind of a dick to her,” I said quietly. “It’s awkward.”
Julie nodded, her eyes wide. “I noticed that, too! I feel bad for her; why is he acting like that?”
I pretended not to have the slightest inclination as to why. The way Jackson acted around me wasn’t right—not just because we weren’t supposed to mess around, but because he had a girlfriend now.
“Like I said, he had a tough year. He hasn’t really been himself,” I said.
“I’ve also never seen him drink so much. Should we be worried?” Julie asked.
I didn’t know what to say. Jackson was clearly dealing with a lot, mentally. “I think it’s just a phase. He’s eighteen now, and feeling lost or whatever.”
“His music is so emo these days.”
She said it like she was trying to be funny, but I couldn’t make myself laugh. The music he listened to now was downright depressing.
“Can we just stay up here for the rest of the night? Change into our pj’s and have a mini sleepover?” I asked.
Julie smiled and nodded. “I’m still used to California time, so I’m gonna be up all night. Let’s watch a movie.”
We switched our Christmas outfits for pajama pants and knit long-sleeve tops with fuzzy socks, then made a fort out of blankets on her bed. Julie turned onLove, Actuallyfor us to watch on her laptop, and we cuddled up together with my head on her shoulder.
Even though Julie claimed she would be awake all night, she fell asleep before the credits played. I shut her laptop and gently untangled her limbs from mine before plugging it into the charger.
When I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I walked in on Jackson and Sophie making out in the bathroom against the sink.
“Fuck,” I said as I stumbled back, hitting my head against the doorframe. My hands flew to the crown of my head, my eyes wide in horror.
Jackson flung back from between Sophie’s legs like she had the plague, swaying as he did so. Thank god he was fully clothed. It wasn’t lost on me that I saw more of his skin in his room earlier than I did now while he was hooking up with his girlfriend.
Jackson took a wobbly step toward me. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking at me with bloodshot eyes. His words were slurred, and Sophie crossed her arms against her chest like I was the biggest inconvenience in the world. It’s not my fault they decided to do this in the bathroom and not his bedroom!
“I’m fine, sorry to interrupt,” I choked out.
I realized Sophie’s skirt was pushed up to her hips, her tights were down around her knees, and I could see her lacy white underwear. She didn’t even try to hide it; shewantedme to see that he was touching her. My eyes flew up to her face, and she smirked at me. Jackson washers. I was just the best friend that was obsessed with him.
I shut the door with a slam on accident, then rushed back to Julie’s room. I slipped back under the covers, facing away from Julie and shoving her comforter against my face so she couldn’t hear me cry.
Chapter 24
BEFORE
December, Eleven Years Ago
The next morning, I had Julie take me home as soon as I woke up. I couldn’t even stay to let Marie French braid my hair with Julie. I didn’t want to spend Christmas in my pajamas with the Delvecchios if it meant watching Sophie hang off Jackson’s arm all day. It wouldn’t feel like Christmas if I was miserable. I was glad to leave before either of them woke up.
Sophie was still asleep on the couch when we left, and something about her not sleeping in Jackson’s bed with him made me happy, even though I wasn’t supposed to care about things like that. They probably had sex last night, so them sleeping in the same bed should be the least of my worries. I thought about the time Jackson and I fell asleep on the couch together during sophomore year, our legs intertwined the entire night. He had slept with me on the couch then, but left his girlfriend to sleep alone on the couch on Christmas.
When Julie pulled into my driveway, I was surprised to see Peter’s car there. He was supposed to leave last night to visit our mom. Iwalked inside hesitantly, finding him at the kitchen table already nursing a beer and what looked like a hangover from hell.
“Hey,” I said as I bent down to untie my Converse. “I thought you would be at Mom’s.”
“She told me not to come at the last minute. She went on a trip with her boyfriend.”
I wasn’t shocked in the slightest; Mom did shit like this to Peter all the time. I’d stopped expecting anything from her. She had always been this way. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d talked to her on the phone. Peter looked sad though, and he took another swig of his beer. I felt bad for him—he kept giving Mom chance after chance, but she just kept letting him down.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. I didn’t know if that was what he needed to hear, or if it was even the right thing to say. I started walking down the hallway when I heard Peter’s voice again.
“What are you doing today? I thought you were going to be at the Delvecchios’ all day.”
