Page 40 of Starry Tides
“This is why she pushed you out of her life at first,” Kathy said.
Matteo raised his shoulders. He’d sort of put that together, but Kathy could see it plain as day.
“Have you considered things from her perspective?” Kathy asked.
Matteo shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out my own.”
Kathy smiled. “Okay. Consider this. You have, like, a year to live. What would you want to do with your time left?”
Matteo closed his eyes and tried to shove himself into the idea. “It would be hard to figure that out, I guess. Maybe I’d sail a lot. Maybe I’d want to be around people. Maybe I’d want to be alone. I don’t know.”
“You wouldn’t want to have love around you?” Kathy asked tenderly.
Matteo’s heart felt squeezed. Love was not cheap, he knew. Love was something you had to work at that gave you boundless energy back. Love was essential. It was the hardest thing of all.
“I think she messed up by not telling you,” Kathy said firmly. “But I also totally get why she didn’t want to. She wanted to pretend that everything was all right. Who doesn’t want to do that?”
Matteo nibbled on another fry. He saw what she meant, although it was hard to accept.
When he returned home that evening, he saw that he had a missed call from Piper. It was almost as though Piper had felt the heaviness of his thoughts. They’d had a sort of psychic connection when they’d first met, something they hadn’t been able to break even after their divorce. He wondered if Piper had told her new husband about that. He guessed not.
“Hey,” he said when she answered.
“Hey there. How are you?” Piper sounded worried but also tired. He could hear the baby somewhere nearby, cooing gently. It brought back a flood of memories that he shoved back.
“Not great, to be honest. But you knew that.”
“I had a hunch,” Piper affirmed.
Matteo wanted to burrow against her. He wanted to put his head on her shoulder and listen to her breathing.
They weren’t in love anymore, but they would always love each other. Jenny, their beloved Jenny, was a part of them forever. They could never get away from each other.
“Tell me,” Piper pushed it.
Matteo swallowed. “I met someone.”
“I take it that isn’t a good thing?”
“It’s really complicated,” Matteo said.
“Isn’t all love complicated?” Piper asked.
Matteo’s thoughts swirled. “This is more than the normal amount of complexity.”
“What’s the normal amount?” Piper teased him. “I don’t think there’s any real way of measuring that.”
Matteo closed his eyes. He tried to picture himself and Piper and Jenny on the porch, eating burgers for the final time. He tried to hear Piper and Jenny, laughing together.
He could barely hear it.
“I know you’re scared,” Piper said so gently that at first, Matteo thought she was talking to her new baby. “But being in love means taking a risk. Being in love means leaping, no matter what awaits at the bottom.”
Matteo wanted to protest. He wanted to tell Piper about Helena’s liver disease, about how little time she had left. But before he could, the baby let out a wild, raucous scream, and he knew she needed to go.
“Love you, Matteo,” she said. “Call me again. We’ll figure this out together.”
But Matteo knew he was on his own.
