Page 83 of Made
Nathan stands up and smooths down his pant leg. “Not to sound like a patronizing asshole, which Mel tells me I’m often in danger of being, but you’re handling this incredibly well, Ellie. I’m glad you and Mad have each other, because you’ve made my baby brother happier than I ever thought possible. Know you’re not alone in any of this.”
She nods and climbs to unsteady feet. Then she hugs my big brother so hard I’m almost jealous. “Thank you Nathan. And everyone else—Drake for what he’s doing. Mason and Elijah sent us a huge breakfast from my favorite bakery this morning, and Amber called. Mel and Amelia sent me a lovely message each, and…well, you’ve all been so good to me.”
“Like I said, you’re family now, and we look after our own.”
My girl beams. Despite the shitty situation, it makes me realize I’m the luckiest man on this whole fucking earth. I have the best family, always have, and now I have the best partner, friend, and lover all wrapped up in one smart, sexy, funny, wonderful package. She is family, and the sooner I make that official, the better.
Chapter 36
Ellie
We had dinner at Dalton’s last night. The whole family was there, and even though I decided to tell them about my past, it wasn’t overwhelming or intimidating at all. Every one of them was supportive and kind and loving. It was like being wrapped in a giant James family hug.
I’m starting to believe that this will not end in disaster. I’m also starting to think that I need to have a few sessions with my therapist again, because my father showing up has opened all kinds of old wounds that I thought were healed.
I hate the way he turned me into a scared little girl again. Paralyzed by my own fear, even though Keres’s words were ricocheting around my mind.Warriors don’t escape fear, they conquer it.
But in that moment, as Frank stalked towards me with his bad breath and his grubby hands, I didn’t feel like a warrior. I felt like a terrified fifteen-year-old girl. And that’s okay. That’s allowed. It does not make me weak to admit that I might need help.
I sure managed to find my fighting spirit when he threatened Maddox though, and I held it together until he left. But since then, I’ve felt the aftereffects. Shaking hands, dry throat, palpitations. Not feeling safe or trusting my own judgment. Blaming myself for what happened to me. All are classic signs of trauma. I know them and I recognize them, and I will speak to my therapist, Dr. Patel, about it. She helped me before, and it looks like I need a bit of a refresher.
I guess you’re never quite over that kind of deep-seated damage. It’s why Maddox still needs to go to meetings even though he’s been clean for so long. We are, and always will be, works in progress.
“That’s okay,” I say out loud to myself in the mirror. Positive affirmations used to be a staple of my daily routine. I need to start them up again. “We will be works in progress together. We will be old and senile, using our canes and walkers to get to meetings and therapy sessions. Then we will come home and have spectacular geriatric sex where we’re very careful not to break our hips.”
“What did you say, baby?” Maddox’s voice floats through to me. “Did you say sex?”
A second later he’s in the bathroom, sliding his arms around my waist.
“I was doing some affirmations.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Affirmations about sex? I can get on board with those.” He pulls back my hair and kisses my neck, and then a soft moan rolls in my throat. I look like crap, tired and washed out. The internal stress is definitely manifesting on the outside, but Maddox is still treating me like I’m a goddess. His goddess. “How are you holding up, baby?” he asks, eyes meeting mine in the mirror as he rests his chin on top of my head.
“Still a little shaky, but I’m mostly okay,” I tell him honestly.
Nathan’s visit yesterday really helped. He has this way about him, so calm and yet so authoritative, that made me believe him when he said he’d handle it. I don’t want to have contact with my father ever again if I can avoid it.
The way the rest of the James family rallied around me was equally amazing. Elijah and Mason told me to work from home for a few days, and while ordinarily I wouldn’t take them up on such an offer, it is nice to stay cocooned in Maddox’s cozy apartment. I might not have been lucky with my biological father, but I really hit the jackpot family-wise when you think about it. Not just because of my wonderful little brother and sisters, but with my adopted Chicago and New York families.
“I’m here for whatever you need, okay?” he says, pressing a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
“I know you are. Right now, though, I need to make myself look semi-presentable for a Zoom call.”
He flashes me a sexy grin. “You look beautiful.”
I grin back, unable to resist pressing my ass back against him, where I feel his already semi-hard cock. “And you look like a distraction, Maddox James. No time for that right now, sir. I’m a professional woman, and I have to work, so stop looking at me like you want to fuck me over this vanity.”
He hums softly. “You always look so fuckable though, baby.”
With a cheeky wink and a swat on my ass, he leaves me to finish getting ready.
I tidy my hair back and give myself a smile. Everything will be okay. I am safe. I am loved. I am strong. And I have a gorgeous man right there in the next room. Maybe his kind of distraction is exactly what I need right now—at least after my meeting, anyway. It’s real difficult to maintain high levels of anxiety when you’re going blind from world-class orgasms.
This is a superb plan of action, one that my therapist would undoubtedly approve of. A plan which I’m about to share withMaddox when my phone beeps. That never used to bother me, but now it makes my nerves jangle. I pick it up like it’s poisonous, and perhaps it is, because it’s a message fromhim. From the sperm donor who created me and then abused me. Nathan was right. he doesn’t deserve the title of ‘father.’
With hands trembling, I open the message. It’s a photo, an image of a smashed-up hotel room with blood spattered walls. My heart stops.
A second later the text message comes through too.
