Page 49 of Made
I could scream, or punch something, but I don’t. What I need to do is get my head out of my ass and stop behaving like this. I, Ellie Madison, do not let men get under my skin this way. Not even men as fine as Maddox James. I am worth more than that.
I lift my chin, find some pride. Remind myself that I can be my own Goddess.
The soft tapping at my office door rudely interrupts my internal melodrama, and when I look up and find him standing there, I’m overwhelmed. There’s a rush of emotions coming at me at once—joy, relief, anxiety. Absolute uncertainty. None of which I would have felt before the aforementioned mind-melting sex.
Our eyes meet, and the smile he gives eases my nerves. Nobody smiles at someone like that if they’re about to break their heart.
“Hey, baby. Do you have time to eat some lunch with me?” He holds up a brown paper bag.
“Yeah, I guess I can make a little time,” I reply, as nonchalant as I can be. The truth is, I don’t even care what’s in that bag, I would happily eat sand if it meant spending time with him.
He closes my office door and comes inside, placing the bag of delicious-smelling food on my desk. “I messaged you earlier,” I say, still trying to appear as casual as possible.
“Fuck,” He winces. “I forgot to put my cell on charge last night. My battery was dead this morning and, uh, I guess I just thought I’d deal it with it later.” That would explain the lack of contact, and while I might see it as a poor excuse from another guy, it’s a known fact that Maddox and cell phones are a recent phenomenon. “I’m sorry if you felt like I was ignoring you, and I promise I’ll get better at the whole phone thing, baby. I’ll get better at everything if you give me the chance.”
The relief is enormous. I’m suddenly light and free again, and it’s actually scary how much I needed to hear his explanation and have his reassurance. I step around the desk, right into his waiting arms. “That’s okay. I know they’re new for you. It’s just…” I don’t exactly know how to verbalize what I’m feeling without sounding like I’m being possessive or clingy. But I needto. I have to be honest with him, or this whole thing is doomed. I don’t want yet another relationship where I have to pretend to be something I’m not. I’ve never had to do that with Maddox before, and I don’t want to start doing it now.
“I understand, Ellie. Yesterday was huge,” he says, intuitively knowing what I need, or quite possibly he learned how to read minds at the same time he learned how to cook like a culinary genius. “It was a big deal for both of us. I should have had my head in the game and been more mindful. If it’s any consolation, I’ve been wanting to see you from the moment I woke up, wishing you were still in my bed with me.”
“Why wasn’t I? Or why, you know, weren’t you in mine with me? We could have woken up together, and I know this is still new and we don’t have to spend every moment together or anything, but I?—”
He silences my babbling with a tender kiss. “I had a meeting with the bank at nine this morning, and I really wanted to be on top of my game for it, baby. I know we would have barely slept if I spent the night in your bed, even if we’d have just spent hours talking. I barely slept the night before, and I really just needed some sleep. I promise.”
I hum. “You did expend a lot of energy yesterday.”
His laugh ruffles my hair. “Yeah.”
“Did you sleep though?”Because I didn’t.I don’t add that last part.
He nods. “I had a stomach full of good food, a heart full of love and laughter. Mostly though it was because I spent the entire the day with the most amazing, sexiest woman on the planet who also happens to be my girlfriend now. I slept like a log, baby. Didn’t you?”
I wish I’d known all of that when I was overthinking myself into a frenzy. I shake my head.
Worry flashes across his face. “Did I rush into telling my family about us? Fuck, I should have known better, I was just so fucking excited about us. But I know that all of this puts a lot of pressure on you.”
“Pressure how?”
He shrugs and kisses the top of my head. “To make this thing between us work. I guess I don’t want you to feel that just because youre-deflowered meyou now have some responsibility to stay with me if that’s not right for you.”
“That’s not why I couldn’t sleep. I thought that maybe you didn’t want to stay over because what we did was…” I bite down on my lip. Here in the cold light of day, it sounds ridiculous.Nothingabout what he said or did yesterday indicated that was a one-off hookup, so why did I convince myself it was?
“Baby, I’m sorry.” He hugs me tighter. “If me not staying over made you feel rejected in any way, then that wasn’t my intention at all, and I fucking hate that I made you feel like that. I should have communicated better. Forgive me?”
“Of course I forgive you. I’m not sure there’s anything to forgive. And I do want this to work. It doesn’t feel like pressure at all. It feels totally right.”
I look up at him, and his smile lights up my world. “It feels right to me too, El. But I also need you to know that whatever happens between us, even if you decide you want to go back to just being friends, I will never regret what we did. I get that my celibacy might make things feel complicated for you, but breaking that vow was my decision, and I chose to make it with no expectations and no agenda.”
I rest my cheek against his chest. “You are a truly wonderful human being, Maddox James.”
“I’m also sometimes an asshole, just to be up front.”
I poke him in the ribs. “You think I’m not already aware?”
We hold each other for a minute, and I never want to leave his arms. “So, does all this cuddling mean you’re still my girlfriend?” he asks, his tone cheeky but mildly unsure.
“Yes. No use trying to get rid of me now.” I squeeze my arms around his waist.
“That’s my girl,” he murmurs. “Now we better eat our soup before it gets cold. Or I might just decide to eat you instead.Yoursoup is fucking delicious.”
