Page 87 of Fortunate Miracles
“That’s okay, maybe next year. Can we get a real wreath to hang inside so we can have the smell?”
“Of course,” he smiles. “Now let’s get this tree decorated.”
Zander and Troy step back and let Seb, Gabby, and me decorate. He has some beaded red garland that we wind around the tree first, and there are half a dozen older ornaments from Mara and Philip that we place next. The rest is a random assortment of plastic baubles in gold, red, green, and silver. He asks me to place the angel on the tree once we finish, which is also from my great grandparents. Zander plugs in the tree, and the room fills with colored lights.
“It looks great. Thank you, everyone,” Zander smiles. He doesn’t have any other decorations for the inside, so we go out to hang lights on the roof, barn, and the azaleas out front. We finish early evening and then enjoy the last of the turkey leftovers.
Chapter 45
Summer
I drive Zander and me up to Charlotte on Sunday evening. Attempt two is tomorrow morning, and I’m so excited! It’s also Jake’s birthday tomorrow, so I baked cupcakes to celebrate. Zander and Ray have been texting all week, and he invited him to dinner at the hotel tonight. According to Zander, Ray had a rough week in Charlotte alone. I called on Tuesday and Friday via video to talk to him and Jake. He seemed down, but okay. Zander explained that by Wednesday he was working at his hotel all day, meeting with Jake briefly in the morning and again following dinner. He couldn’t handle sitting there all day with Jake in a coma. The idea of Jake being alone in the hospital pissed me off, but there was nothing I could do about it.
We arrive at the hotel and, after checking in, join Ray in the steakhouse downstairs. He looks exhausted. “Hi Ray. How are you doing?” I ask, taking my seat.
“I’ve been better, Summer,” he replies, not looking up from his menu.
“You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping.” It’s not like Ray to admit he’s not doing well, and that concerns me.
“I've gotten little sleep, and I’ve made a decision, Summer. Tomorrow will be the last attempt. There will be no third.”
My voice, a mere breath, trembles with shock as I whisper, “What?” How can he say that? This is Jake’s chance to wake up. I open my mouth to argue when Zander places his hand on my arm. Looking up at him, he shakes his head at me. Closing my mouth, I sit in silence, fuming. I truly feel bad for Ray, but this isn’t about him. How dare he make that kind of decision about Jake.
After we order, Zander asks Ray if he watched the football game, and they talk about that as we wait for our food. I keep quiet as they move on to basketball. When the food arrives, I eat quietly while they continue to talk sports, and Ray is in better spirits by the end of the meal. Seems Zander has the magic touch.
I say goodbye to him and follow Zander up to our room. “We need to talk, darling,” he says as the door closes.
Nodding, I sit on my bed, and Zander sits across from me. “What Ray's experiencing is a trauma response. He may have undiagnosed PTSD. He hasn’t dealt with any of his grief. Seeing Jake, being around him for an extended time, is messing with his head. He’s trying so hard to be here for Jake, but he’s not mentally strong enough. He needs support, not anger. Arguing with him will only make it worse.”
“Okay. I knew he was in a bad place and hadn’t dealt with the accident. I’ll be more cognizant of his mental health. I get defensive quickly when it comes to Jake.” Releasing a big breath, I sag into the bed. “Hopefully, the procedure works tomorrow, and we don’t have to worry about the third round. Do you think he'll heal if Jake wakes up?”
“It will certainly help him. I’m not an expert, but it would be good for him to talk to someone.”
“I guess we can talk to him about that after Jake is stable. Thanks for stopping me tonight. I don’t want to make Ray’s life harder,” I smile.
“No thanks needed, darling,” Zander smiles back.
I tell him I’m getting a shower and grab some clothes to go into the bathroom. After letting the water heat up, I undress and then step into the shower. The hot water feels wonderful beating down on me.
Ray has a lot of work to do on himself. He just kept going and going with work, always traveling and keeping busy. It makes more sense that he hasn’t visited Jake much. Part of me is mad at him for choosing himself over Jake. I know it’s probably not intentional, but he’s a grown man. Shouldn’t he have been able to deal with his grief instead of living in denial? I was a kid, and I dealt with it. Well, it’s a work in progress, but I never turned my back on Jake. Sarah has taught me grief is different for everyone, though. Tomorrow just has to work.
Even though I’m not a religious person, I send a prayer out into the universe that the procedure is successful.
I call Seb when I’m in bed and Zander's showering. I tell him about Ray, and he helps me sort through my feelings, and I promise to call as soon as I can tomorrow. Seb is exceptional in that way. He didn’t say to call “if” it works, but when.
Memories of Jake and me growing up fill my dreams that night.
We’re up early the next morning to avoid rush-hour traffic. I remembered my thermos and tea from home, so I fill it with hot water at the continental breakfast to take with me. I have that pre-excitement event feeling this morning; my stomach is doing somersaults with a mix of nerves and anticipation, and a fierce determination fills me. My Jake is going to become conscious this morning for the first time in almost two years.
Zander drives us to the hospital, and I can’t seem to sit still. Today is one of the biggest moments of my life. “Don’t forget to breathe, darling,” Zander reminds me.
“I’m trying. I think this drive got longer since we were here last,” I mutter. Zander chuckles at me before finally pulling into the hospital parking lot. This is it. I jump out of my seat as soon as he parks, waiting impatiently for him to get out.
“We have two hours before the procedure. There’s no need to rush,” Zander says, pulling me into a side hug.
“I can’t help it.”
We walk towards the hospital as he makes me take deep breaths, holding them in, then slowly letting the air out. It helps a little. When we get to the research wing, I get super anxious again, though. After showing our passes, we get into the elevator. An eternity later, we stop on the sixth floor. A burst of adrenaline helps me speedwalk towards Jake’s room, leaving Zander to catch up.
