Page 135 of The Muse
I can’t stop. It’s all or nothing.
“A year later, a man accused me of sleeping with his wife. He was drunk. And he, uh …” I swallow hard. “He said he was going to fuck me harder than I fucked his wife, and he tried to pin me down, but I fought back. And I just kept fighting until I realized he was pretty bloody.”
She draws in a sharp breath and tears fill her eyes as she slowly shakes her head.
“And who believes someone with my record? So I spent two years in prison for assault. The wife spoke on my behalf, so I pled guilty in exchange for a lesser sentence of two years instead of five.”
She eases out of my grip, and I don’t stop her. “Jesus, Flynn.” She presses a hand to her mouth and shakes in silent sobs.
I reach for her, but she takes a step back and shakes her head.
“I know you asked me not to break your heart again so soon, but …” I sigh. “I’ve been trying to tell you this for so long. At first, I didn’t want to scare you away, then I didn’t want to ruin what we had because I’ve never had anything like this. And after the orchestra, when I found out about your past, I was angry, but it wasn’t because you didn’t tell me. It was because you were hiding something extraordinary about yourself, and I was hiding something fucking awful, embarrassing, and so regrettable.”
She turns her back to me, staring out the window while wiping her nose with the back of her hand and sniffling.
“I was selfish. And I’m sorry. But after I told you about my time in juvie, I couldn’t imagine not losing you if I told you everything.”
“You should have told me everything.”
“I know, I just …”
She turns. “You just what? You were afraid of losing me to the truth? Well, this no longer feels like the truth. It feels like betrayal. How am I supposed to trust you?”
“June.” I shake my head. “That’s it. I’m not keeping anything else from you. And I would have told you, but how would you have reacted? Because when I told you about juvie, you walked away.”
“Jesus, Flynn. I’m human. I had a human reaction. But I apologized.”
“Exactly!” I blow out a slow breath. This isn’t how I want to react to her. She has every right to be upset. But I can’t help this feeling of desperation. “You’re human,” I say. “And you were abducted. I can’t imagine what that was like for you, but I would expect yourhumanreaction to be severe. And I don’t know how to make this okay because apologizing for not telling you feels like I wish we weren’t together. You would have run. And I wouldn’t have blamed you. So here I am, apologizing for not telling you, but really I’m apologizing for hurting youagainbecause I don’t know if I can be sorry for everything that’s happened between us.”
Her red eyes bleed more tears as her lips quiver. “Jesus, Flynn. You should have trusted me.”
“You can’t say that. You didn’t trust me.”
“No!” She swallows hard, jaw clenched. “I can’t compare my secret to yours.”
“I’m not comparing secrets. I’m just saying you didn’t trust me, and I didn’t trust you.”
“N-no…” she laughs through a little sob. “My family’s wealth is not about something I did or didn’t do. It wasn’t a choice I made. But going to prison,twice, is just …” Again, she shakes her head a half dozen times. “What happens when there’s a knock at the door someday, and you’re arrested for something you forgot to mention?” She balls her hands into fists. “Why didn’t you get a job instead of stealing the car?”
I shake my head. “I … I couldn’t get a job. Nobody would hire me.”
“That’s bullshit.”
I rest one hand on my hip and rub my temples with the other. “I’m not lying. I’m not saying it was right. But you don’t know what it’s like to live the way I did.”
“Because I’m rich?”
“Because you were raised by people who loved you. And you’ve probably never lived on the street or out of your car.”
“That doesn’t make it okay to steal from people.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“Did you sleep with that man’s wife?” She crosses her arms over her chest.
I’ve lost her. And she has every right to be mad. But fuck, it hurts so much. After a few seconds, I nod.
More tears well in her bloodshot eyes, and she bites her quivering lip. I hate that I’m hurting her. But it was always going to hurt, and if I would have told her before she was emotionally invested in me, when it wouldn’t have hurt, she wouldn’t have given me a chance. That’s just a fact.
