Page 89 of Ruby
I stop pacing. “You mean you asked for more?”
“Yes.”
“On purpose.”
“Yes.”
I drag a hand down my face. “That is insane.”
“It gave them control,” she says quietly. “Can you not empathize with that? Something tells me it’s just as important to them as it is to you.”
Control.
I look down at my hands, half expecting something new to push through my skin while we’re standing here. What if I wake up with scales? Or fangs? Or dripping pink goo? Or something else I can’t hide?
“And if I do nothing?” I ask.
“That is also a choice,” she says. “But the changes may become less predictable the longer you wait. We just… don’t know.”
“He is fifteen feet tall, Ree. It has to be…” I hold my hands at shoulder width, shaking them for emphasis.
“I don’t know what they did to us, Ani, but I assure you, whatever he has and whatever size it is… it will fit.”
“What the fuck kind of…” I trail off, not sure what words would even sum it up.
The wind moves through my hair, a flash of red reminding me that there have been other changes that I’ve lived through. Just one of the many ways I’ve evolved without control. Down the shore, someone laughs like this is a normal day and we are normal fucking people.
“Well, dick jokes aside. What if you’re wrong and the changes don’t stop?” I ask.
“If it doesn’t stabilize, we reassess,” she says back, voice clinical.
That is not reassuring.
I look at her, really look at her. She isn’t judging me. She isn’t pushing. She just looks tired. Like she’s been carrying this information for too long. Carrying a lot of things for too long.
“You knew,” I say. “You knew this was coming.”
“Not exactly, but yes. I was meant to be your… uh, handler. That’s the role they gave me, but I assure you it is not one I sought.”
I close my eyes, the Bitch ready to lay over me in a calming mask, but I push her back down.
“I hate this place,” I mutter.
Her expression softens slightly. “I know,” she says.
“How are you so calm about…” I trail off, arm waving to let her know I’m talking about her scales, tail, and claws.
She looks down and lets out a sharp laugh. “Oh, I am not always this calm, but years of experience delivering bad news taught me the best way to do it.”
“What? Insurance adjuster?” I quip, already knowing that a woman with as much force of presence was definitely not in that job.
“ER nurse,” she says with a sigh, then moves her gaze to the water where Szhe’ka is scrubbing himself. “He is special and you know it. Please try to separate your resistance to what has been done to us from your feelings for him. Can you do that?”
“And what feelings would those be?” I ask, guarded.
“That’s for you two to figure out. I have a spot of sun in mind to take a nap in and a very large purring pillow,” she says in a light voice, turning away.
She takes a few steps, then turns back. “Eli is the only one of us who comes close to regret over the choice she made, and even for her it isn’t because she wouldn’t have anyone different than Wroahk. She just wants more access to people to chatter at and we don’t spend enough time in the water,” she adds with a smile. “I know he’s an alien and that everyone back home would be shocked and all of that… but that doesn’t matter anymore. The only question that matters is if he is the one for you.”
