Page 90 of The Sniper
“Note he saidman.His wife is way more stubborn.”Josh is referring to Briar Hawke.
“Facts.She’d be a good Marine if she wasn’t so fucking tiny.”Aidan grins, looking proud as hell.
I hate that I love these guys.That I’ve let them down.They’re good men, well-respected and highly regarded in the industry.Which just makes what I’m about to tell Josh, as Aidan disappears, even harder.
So damn hard.
I’m extremely ashamed, as if I’m less of a man, and once I tell my father, I know that will be cemented in.
“I have PTSD.”
He waits.
“I haven’t talked to anyone, and don’t know if I can,” I add.“It comes and goes and could be debilitating.”
Josh nods.
Jesus, fuck.Why isn’t he saying something?
“Fuck, man.I can’t do this job, Josh.I will put people in danger.What if she’d died?What if Tiffany had died the other night?What if I did something, and it had ended differently?”
“She didn’t.”
“Or one of us.”I point towards the door.“What if I put one of the team in danger?”
“We can take care of ourselves.”
“You know that’s bullshit.Owning up to this is the right thing to do.I shouldn’t have taken the job.I’m sorry.”
Josh drops his legs and sits back at the table, pushing the laptop away.
“I don’t disagree, but you know the SEAL ethos:Leave No Man Behind.It’s ingrained in my soul.”He says, dropping the tough guy act.
Not that it's an act.
I wouldn’t take him on in a dark alley, and that’s with all my training and combat experience.
I did appreciate what he said.It wasn’t just the SEALs who had an ethos like that.Marines and many of the special forces and other military departments had something similar.The Ranger Creed, for example, reads,I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy.
It’s these phrases that bond us all as warriors.
“I get it, you know that.But you aren’t responsible—” I shake my head.
“Jayden, I’m not letting you walk away from Black Hawke.We will get you the help,andI need you.”
I blink.
That was not at all what I was expecting him to say.
“What?”
“You have an exemplary record.I don’t know what happened or when, but it never interfered with your performance or relationships with your crew.”
No.
I fucking paid the price, though.
And I got out just in time.
