Page 86 of Ahelno
She had been so beautiful, even then, but with the clarity of hindsight, I saw how disheveled and disoriented she was upon our first meeting. When I entered her, her mating channel was dry. I had enjoyed her tight warmth, brute that I was, but I did not understand that she would secrete her own lubricant when aroused, because our females did not.
As I replayed those moments, I could not help but feel tremendous guilt, again, for how deeply I had harmed her. How I had, in my ignorance, ignored her pleas for help,forcing myself upon her over and over. I remembered the ecstasy of that first orgasm with my mate and felt a deep shame. If I could cry the way the humans did, I would have shed an endless stream of tears.
Andie
My body was still thrumming from the mindblowing sex I’d enjoyed with Dakleth. Damn, that man could do wonders with his giant cock. And hands. And tongue. I hummed a happy tune as I brushed my teeth again. I dressed, ready to start the day. Even if starting the day was occurring in the afternoon. I smiled to myself and returned to the bedroom.
Dakleth was sitting on the bedcushion looking…morose. His head was bowed in his hands, his crest lay flat. His wings drooped listlessly. What on earth? We had just spent an amazing night together, and he looked like someone had died. Oh god, did he get bad news while I was in the bathroom? I rushed over to him and put my arms around him as I sat next to him on the bed.
“What’s wrong, Dakleth? What happened?”
The eyes he turned to me were so devoid of life, I was terrified.
“What is it?” I pleaded. “Tell me, please.”
He closed his eyes and turned his head away from me. “I am ashamed,” he said quietly. He moved away, extricating himself gently from my embrace.
“Of what?” I said. “Why won’t you let me hold you? Did I do something?” I didn’t like this. He was making me nervous.
He looked at his hands, avoiding my eyes.
“I have been thinking of the time I violated you,” he said softly. “I ignored all your signs, Andie. Your mating channelwas dry. You screamed in pain, but I was so lost, it actually was a goad to my pleasure. You cried tears, which I did not understand. Your body showed all signs of distress. You called for help. It is so clear in my mind now, how you did not want me, and I took you anyway. I know what we did last night was different. But all it does is show me how awful I was to you. I never thought I would violate a woman. That I would violate my mate, the person I should protect above all others. I do not know how to handle this guilt, this shame.”
I wasn’t sure how to react to this. I didn’t want to minimize what he did to me, but I didn’t want him to carry around this guilt any longer, either. I had forgiven him. He was a good man, and I envisioned a future for us together.
“Dakleth, look at me,” I said firmly.
He lifted his head, and I could see the agony in his eyes. “Yes, you hurt me,” I said, holding his gaze. “I won’t deny it. But I can’t hold you accountable for things you didn’t understand. I’ve seen the Ptexari mating ritual. I know I triggered that in you. You had never seen a human, so you didn’t understand my tears. You couldn’t understand my language. You didn’t know that I should be wet for you. Knowing what you know now, would you ever take me if I said no?”
“Of course not!” he cried. “I would never hurt you on purpose, my beloved.”
It was the first time he had called me that. “I know you wouldn’t. Let me ask you this. When sparring, have you ever been hurt by someone?”
“Yes, a few times. Not often, and usually the damage is minimal, but one time my cousin sliced my wing. The healers sealed it, but I could not fly for a week.”
“Were you mad at him?”
“For a while, yes. I sulked for a few days, but I knew it was a training accident. I forgave him, of course.”
“Did he feel bad about it?”
“Yes, of course. He brought me pava fruit every day. I eventually told him to stop being stupid. But I did enjoy the pava fruit for a while.” He chuckled. I took his hand.
“You were able to forgive him, and I’m able to forgive you. Let it go, Dakleth. It’s the only way we can move forward.”
“You are wise, my beloved,” he declared. “I cannot promise I will forgive myself so easily.” He squeezed my hand and placed one of his palms on my cheek. “You are precious to me. It is difficult to know that I was the cause of such pain. But for you, I will try not to let the shame swallow me whole. I will spend all my days bringing you pava fruit.”
I laughed. “I mean, I like pava fruit as much as the next girl, but I don’t know that I want it every day. Let’s just see how it goes. It’s taken me nearly two years to heal. I can wait for you to catch up.”
He nodded and brought me in for a hug. He buried his nose in my hair. “Thank you, my mate,” he said quietly in my ear.
Eventually, I broke his hold. “Come on, I need to get home.”
CHAPTER 60
The next morning, I was more than a little stiff and sore between the legs. Spending the night alone in my house was a good decision, I thought. I needed some recovery time.
M’Pak was very amused at the whole affair. He chuffed as he watched me feed the ovinas on shaky legs. He told me he would seek his own mate next season. I would be sad to see him go. I hoped he would come back, but I couldn’t keep him from living his own life as a wild Granthor. I hugged him before walking into my cottage to shower and change for lunch at the Palace. The Charonu delegation would be leaving in the afternoon, so it would be my last time seeing Leo for a while. He had quickly become one of my best friends, and I was going to miss him. M’Pak accompanied me this time. Even though he still didn’t mindspeak to Leo, he felt some affection for him and wanted to see him off. “Heisagoodhuman,” M’Pak said as we walked through the Palace gates. “Hehasbroughtyoujoy.”
