Page 24 of Ahelno
I staggered to my feet and fled on shaky legs as far as I could before collapsing to my knees on the outskirts of the market. My stomach violently heaved. Once, twice, three times, I vomited up my breakfast. Even then, I kept dry heaving, tears streaming down my face as my body collapsed in uncontrollable tremors.
A soft weight gently nudged my shoulder. M’Pak. I grabbed fistfuls of his fur and buried my face in his side. “I want to go home,” I told him. He lowered himself to the ground.
“Climb on,” he said. I had never ridden on his back before. It had never occurred to me. But in that moment, I was grateful to him for the offer. I climbed on, and he rose from his knees and ran all the way to the cottage with me clinging to his back.
He sprawled on the pallet with me as I lived through my rape yet again. It had been months since the memories had consumed me like this. My nightmares had faded with time, and part of me had foolishly believed they would never terrorize me again. How wrong I was.
I burrowed into M’Pak’s side and let my tears take me.
CHAPTER 27
I slept late, although I didn’t sleep well.
The familiar nightmare of my brutal assault tormented me all night. I was grateful that M’Pak and I could tune out each other’s dreams.
The door alarm chimed to let me know that Camavel was outside. I instructed the comms panel that I was not receiving visitors and pulled the blanket over my head. M’Pak had left much earlier to chase the ovinas outside. He was always an earlybird.
I stayed in bed until the early afternoon. I knew I was spiraling and needed help. The last few months of adjusting to life in the village had been such a whirlwind. Everything was so new, and I had so much to learn - how to operate the kitchen appliances, taking care of M’Pak, navigating the city and village, history and protocol lessons - that I barely had time to breathe. I had welcomed the distraction and repressed the trauma. Intellectually, I knew that. I just wasn’t sure what to do about it.
If I were on Earth, I’d find a therapist and start working through it, but from what I could tell, the Ptexari didn’t have therapists. I went to the comms panel to ask if there were any mental health professionals nearby. It gave me a listof medics, unsurprisingly. I imagined talking to Karelch and blanched. He was still miffed that I hadn’t taken M’Pak back to the wilds. I couldn’t reveal that M’Pak knew what he wanted and refused to go, so I avoided the well-meaning veterinarian as much as possible.
I thought of Lanicar at the palace. He had been very kind to me and knew about the assault, but I didn’t know that I felt comfortable talking about this with a male. I had good friends, but I couldn’t talk to Kashtinela about her brother, and Camavel wasn’t the touchy-feely type. She would likely just tell me to get over it and move on. I wish I could.
Still, Lanicar might at least know of a therapist I could talk to, so I reached out to him on my comms panel. His face appeared within seconds of my call.
“Andie of Earth! Greetings, honored caller. How may I be of assistance?” he inquired.
I chuckled a bit. The Ptexari never asked ‘pointless’ questions, like “how are you?” They were unfailingly direct. I thought about what to tell him.
“Greetings, Lanicar, and blessings upon your house. I am having nightmares, and I believe I need mental health support. Do you know any therapists?” I asked.
Lanicar’s crest raised in alarm. “Have you harmed yourself?” he asked.
I traced the scar on my forearm. It had faded to a barely visible white line, but it was slightly raised, and I found myself subconsciously touching it from time to time. “No, there is no danger of that,” I assured him. “But I still suffer nightmares and occasional flashbacks to the, uh, incident, and I’d like to talk to a therapist if such a person exists here.”
Lanicar paused. “This is not an area Ptexari medics aretrained in. We do not seem to suffer from the same maladies of the mind as … other species,” he said diplomatically.Thanks for telling me you think I’m crazy,I thought. He pondered for a moment, then continued, “We should ask the Bindu. They are a species known for their powers of the mind, and they are on a planet close by. We often have Bindu visitors on Ptekennan, and they have a small consulate in the Capital. I will inquire.”
“Thank you, Lanicar.”
“You are welcome. Blessings to you.” He cut the call.
I felt better after the call. Even though I was still feeling unsettled over the events of yesterday, I was finally taking active steps to work through my trauma. I was proud of myself. I resolved to shower and spend some time in the garden. I would take a day for myself, but reach out to Camavel tomorrow.
CHAPTER 28
As it happened, there was a Bindu “mind doctor” on holiday on Ptekennan who agreed to meet me at the palace. At first, I felt bad about interrupting her vacation, but Lanicar assured me that she was intrigued by the prospect of meeting a human, and getting a brief tour of the Palace - which typically was not open to offworlders - was an added bonus.
I had lunch with Kashtinela and the King in the receiving room. I didn’t want to broach the subject of my therapy session with them, given the subject of the meeting, but it appeared Lanicar had already informed them. After lunch, Kashtinela led me to a comfortable side room on the first floor and told me the Bindu would meet me there. A servant brought two cups of Oonag and some pastries they said Selica had prepared especially for me. She knew I liked sweets.
The Bindu was much smaller than I expected. She had to under four feet tall, and she was a perfectly round, blue ball with no limbs that I could see. She slithered in, bunching her body up and extending it the way a snake might. Given how round she was, I was surprised she didn’t roll. Her undulating movement was fascinating, albeit a bit slow. “Greetings, honored visitor,” I said, as she made her way to me.
“Greetings, human.” I heard in my mind. Similar to M’Pak, but a different voice. It was loud and echoed through my head. I flinched, and then heard, in a softer tone, “My apologies. Learning to modulate for new species takes some guesswork.” I was grateful for my experience with M’Pak, otherwise I’d probably be freaking out right now.
“Hello, I’m Andie.”
“Yes, I know. I am Anixa. I am a mind healer,” she stared at me unblinking with two large round eyes. The irises were almost completely clear. I was mesmerized.
Anixa settled herself on a cushion. I realized she had no mouth, so I wasn’t sure if she could eat or drink. Should I offer her the Oonag and pastries? I was suddenly very unsure of how to proceed. She solved the question for me by extending part of herself. It was like something pushing out from the inside. One side of her body rounded and she enveloped a pastry into her body. In school I had seen videos of single-celled organisms surrounding food and forming a vacuole to take it in. This was like a larger, live demo. I barely kept myself from staring at the skin as it re-smoothed itself over the ingested pastry. Fascinating.
