Page 62 of Almost True
He reaches for my hand. “Korren. Baby. What happened? You got lost in the fire—”
“I’m fine,” I say, my heart constricting at the affection in his voice.
I need to stop lying to myself.
I had known. Long before he said anything, I could tell how he felt about me. It was addictive and terrifying and I was denying it as fiercely as possible so I didn’t have to give it up.
“I was just following the riverbank, Dex. I never got lost. But you followed me, and you didn’t come back, and—”
Dex pushes the oxygen mask off his bed and sits up. “We’re not at the fire any longer?”
“They’ve withdrawn all the crews along that front. It’s getting too dangerous. The rest of our crew left before us, and a rescue helicopter came to get us after they were gone.”
“You saved me,” Dex says with dawning wonder. “I think I must’ve passed out, because I remember running into the smoke, and then I can’t remember anything else.”
I really don’t want to cry in front of Dex. “You’re fucking lucky you’re alive,” I say hoarsely.
Then I get to my feet and stalk away from him before he can see how fucking emotional I’m getting.
Because I was way too close to losing him.
I hear Dex’s footsteps behind me. “You’re supposed to be resting,” I say without turning.
“I’m fine.”
I keep walking, down the hall and out the doors, to a lawn with a couple benches along the side. It’s still the middle of the night, so it’s dark apart from the light spilling from a nearby window. It feels safer like this, with our faces half-hidden in the darkness. I need to talk to him. Tell him some things. But it’s going to be really fucking hard for me.
When I drop onto one of the benches, Dex takes a seat beside me, though he leaves space between us.
“I’m sorry about—about earlier,” I begin.
“It’s my fault. That wasn’t the time to spring that on you. And I know it’s not fair that I fucked with the rules of the game.”
I shake my head. “That’s not it.” I hesitate, pressing my hands between my knees, my heart pounding in my throat. “Can I tell you about—about what happened? Before I say anything I might regret?”
Dex gives a raspy laugh. “Are we still playing?”
I want to cry.
It’s hard to drag the words out from inside me. “I was a firefighter and paramedic before this. I think I told you that.”
Dex nods.
I lean my elbows on my knees and hang my head down so he can’t see my face.
“I was driving the ambulance one day, responding to a call-out, when I crashed into a car that pulled out in front of me. I was driving way above the speed limit, so the driver didn’t have much notice, but she should’ve heard the sirens. She didn’t because she had earbuds in. It—”
My throat is closing up, my voice coming out as a croak.
“The car was completely wrecked. It was worse because it was a side-on crash. The girl—”
My shoulders are heaving now, all the awful memories of that day crowding into my head until I can’t see. Dex puts a hand on my back but doesn’t say anything.
“She was my best friend’s little sister. That’s the worst part of it. She was only nineteen, and her whole body got crushed. It was so fucking horrifying. And I should’ve responded to it like I’ve been trained, but I couldn’t even force myself to move. I just stood there, looking at the girl I’d murdered, while the rest of my team cut her out and moved the—the body.”
“Korren,” Dex says in a low voice. He moves closer, his hand now making gentle circles on my back, and I realize my hands are shaking and tears are dripping down my nose. “Is this the first time you’ve talked to someone about this?”
I nod, still staring down at my knees.
