Page 46 of Almost True
But there’s no hiding it the second day.
A whole week passes, then two.
Korren and I share a few words here and there, but only about practical things. I swear I hear him talking to that damn cat more than he ever talks to me.
Earlier this summer, I was trying so damn hard to fit in with the guys, to pass for a firefighter.
Now I don’t give a shit.
Holding his hand is the only thing I look forward to each day. I’m craving him with fiber of my being, and all I can do is touch his fucking hand. He’s quiet as he walks beside me, as always, but I still get the feeling he likes it, and that makes the whole thing worse.
“You guys are both acting really weird,” Cami says one morning over bagels. “Have you fought?”
“We’re not dating,” I growl. “I don’t care what he gets up to.”
It’s a relief when we’re called out to another fire, this time a small one not too far from Copper Creek, close enough that we can smell the smoke from town. This time we drive to the end of the road and then hike in. No helicopters involved.
It’s good to escape. Good to leave behind the tense uncertainty of home.
Except we’re sharing a tent again.
“Can we not act like normal roommates?” I ask Korren grumpily when I join him in our tent that first night. “Why do you have to be so hostile all the time?”
“You saw what happened when we let our guards down,” he mumbles. “I don’t want that.”
“Everyone on the crew is going to think something’s up if we act like we hate each other through this whole fire.”
He’s quiet a moment. “Fine,” he says at last. “I’ll talk to you again. But no more dares. And no cuddling while we’re out here.”
“As if that was going to happen,” I say sarcastically. I’m painfully aware that the bed-sharing-and-cuddling dare is still active, and I can take advantage of it whenever I want since he’s still sleeping in my bed, but it wouldn’t seem right given how things stand.
He turns away from me, and I’m left staring at the lingering evening light that shines through the tent fabric.
I think about what he said.
When we let our guards down.
That almost makes it sound as though part of him wants me too, only he’s trying not to show it.
This is closer than we’ve slept in a long time. It’s a small tent, and we’re big guys. It’s not my fault that my shoulder ends up pressed against Korren’s back.
But it is my own damn fault that I can’t stop thinking about all the times I’ve slept with my arms around him. The time I washed his beautiful body and admired every contour. The hot wetness of his mouth around my cock. The way he fucked me.
Soon I’m hard and aching, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I can’t keep going this way.
But I can’t give him up.
Korren starts acting more normal with me after that. We talk, and sometimes we even hack down black spruce side by side, and we share the odd joke.
One morning I dare to make coffee for him, and he doesn’t dump it on my head.
And it hurts even more than before, because it reminds me how good we are together. We’re the perfect team. We don’t need to hide anything around each other.
After a full week at the fire, we fall back into an easy, unforced rapport that I don’t share with anyone else on the crew.
Even though I know I shouldn’t, I watch Korren whenever he’s not working beside me, admiring his lean, muscular frame and the cut of his cheekbones and the dark intensity of his gaze.
