Page 66 of Heartsick & Lipsticks
SKYE
Water cascadeddown my back as I tilted my head up and rinsed the shampoo from my hair. I squeezed out conditioner and generously applied it, then grabbed a razor. As I lifted my leg up and set my foot on the seat, my lady parts protested in soreness from my activities the night before. If it weren’t for the physical proof of what I’d done, I would be sure it had been a fever dream and hadn’t actually happened.
Even with the evidence of discomfort, it was still hard for me to believe I’d done that.
All day, I’d been on an emotional teeter-totter that kept rocking back and forth between feeling guilty for what I’d done and basking in the glow of the aftermath. Being with Nick hadn’t been a hundred or a thousand times better than I’d ever imagined it would be, and I’d definitely put in some time fantasizing about it. It had been a million times better.
The way he touched me, kissed me, and worshipped me unearthed something in my soul I’d never known I possessed. I’d never known that sex could feel so sensual and connected. It wasn’t just the sex we’d shared; it was the way his fingers grazed my bare back as I fell asleep on his chest. It was the way my body responded to every movement, every breath, every sound, and every touch that made me feel like he was part of me and I was part of him. Maybe that was what intimacy was, and I’d just never experienced it with Tim.
After completing my daily ritual of removing hair from all the areas that needed hair removed, I stood under the spray and rinsed off. Once I was squeaky clean, I turned off the water spout and stepped out of the shower. When I reached for my towel, I caught the reflection of my body in the mirror. At first glance, to the naked (pun intended) eye, nothing had changed in the twenty-four hours since I’d had sex. On the outside, I looked exactly the same, aside from a few love marks. But something had changed on the inside, and it was transforming how I saw myself.
Instead of noticing the faded lines of my stretch marks, my eyes focused on the curve of my hip that Nick had squeezed, leaving tiny bruises, more evidence of our time together. Instead of wishing my breasts were fuller, I remembered the way he’d sucked them into his mouth and the groan of male appreciation that he’d made when he’d squeezed them in his hand. Instead of seeing the softness of my belly, I remembered the way Nick had peppered kisses across my stomach.
I was seeing myself and my body through a different lens. Nick had awakened something in me—a sexual being that was going to have to go back into hibernation.
He hadn’t mentioned his three-strike rule to me, but I had no doubt he had one. Regardless of whether he did or not, his hookup limit was irrelevant. I knew that for me, it was a one and done. I couldn’t risk my job or my career over a night or two more nights of pleasure. No matter how tempting it was.
I guess career would be a slight exaggeration. The service I worked for did not allow fraternization in any form, so I would definitely be fired. Chances were, I’d be able to secure another job immediately. But I loved working for Sonja at Complete Care. As an owner, she cared more about people than she did the bottom line, which, sadly, was not the case in most of the medical field.
Besides the professional aspect of things, I felt like I was taking advantage of Nick. I knew that the reason he was interested in me was because of what I represented. He was going through one of the most vulnerable and traumatic things a person could go through: losing a parent. I was the person who was helping him get through it. His attraction to me was a form of trauma bonding. That was where my true guilt about the situation stemmed from.
If Nicholas Locke and I had met under any other circumstances, he wouldn’t have given me a second look. I’d seen the women he ‘dated.’ It wasn’t a matter of being in the same league as them; I wasn’t even playing the same sport.
My head was swimming with confusion about the entire situation, and I almost forgot to apply lotion after I dried off before putting on my sweats and T-shirt. I was glad that I had tonight off. I had one more day to clear up my lust and guilt fog and stop being so scatterbrained.
After finishing up in the bathroom, I walked out into my room, and I was surprised to find Ri sitting on my bed, typing on her phone.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I pulled a brush through my still-wet hair.
She glanced up from her phone, then did a double take. I looked down, making sure that I’d actually put on clothes before exiting the bathroom.
When I looked back up, she was still staring as her head tilted to one side.
Shit. Did I have a hickey on my neck? I had tiny bruises on my hips; had I missed that he’d left a love bite on my neck?
Her eyes narrowed as she demanded, “I want details.”
“Excuse me?”
“I know you didn’t come home last night, and I wantdetails.”
“How do you know I didn’t come home?”
“Aha!” Her face lit up, and she pointed at me. “I didn’t know; I was bluffing. Holy shit, you didn’t come home last night! I guessed because you are fucking g-low-ing. You had sex—"
“Shh!” I shushed her. These walls were way too thin, and I absolutely did not want Callie or my mother to find out about my overnight stay at the freak flag hotel.
Thankfully, my mom, who was a sound sleeper, had been out cold when I’d done the walk of shame at five a.m. this morning. I felt like a teenager sneaking in after curfew and trying not to make any noise on the floorboards, except I’d never done that as a teenager. I hadn’t had to, since I’d never had a curfew. That was way too much parenting for my mother.
Callie had come home from Jenny’s this evening, so she was none the wiser about my sleepover.
“What. Happened?” Ri emphasized both words as she mouthed them.
“Um, the gala was really nice—”
“Ehhhh!” Ri made the sound of a buzzer. “Nope. Try again. Good stuff. Go.”
“Okay, so I was in the bathroom, and when I came out, Nick said Naomi was tired and went home with Gary. I was going to leave, but he asked me if I’d been up to the roof.”
