Page 92 of Heartsick & Lipsticks
NICK
“Everything is set up.I’m going to run home and change,” Jada explained as I stood in front of the grill, scraping it clean. “I just spoke with Kurt. He’s on his way with the horses.”
Kurt grew up on a ranch in Montana and kept two horses in stables nearby. I’d asked him to bring them today so that Callie and her friends could take rides on the beach at her party.
“Okay. Thanks for all your help.”
Jada nodded and headed through the accordion-glass doors that led to the living room. I scanned the backyard and was pleased at what I saw. Photos of Callie dangled on strings hanging from a balloon arch in one corner of the yard. A grass wall backdrop with a neon sign that read Callie’s 15th stood on the opposite corner for photo ops. The DJ booth was set up at the far end of the pool, and there was enough food and drink to feed a couple hundred people. I’d never hosted a birthday party for a fifteen-year-old, but Jada assured me the setup was “gram-worthy.”
The birthday girl was at the nail salon with Skye, Lola, Rihanna, and Bella. Naomi was invited as well, but she hadn’t been feeling up to it so she was taking a nap. Skye told me that every year since Callie was five, they’d gone to get mani-pedis on the morning of her birthday. Bella was so excited to be included in the tradition. Seeing my little girl’s face as the group headed out together tugged at my heartstrings.
It felt right to see Bella with the ladies. She’d grown so close to Callie, especially, but also to Lola and Skye over the time they’d been here. The five weeks since they moved in had somehow passed in the blink of an eye, but it also felt like it had been forever. I couldn’t remember what life was like before they lived here, but it also felt like it had flown by.
Foster care had taught me at a very early age that nothing lasted forever. I was conditioned to expect things to change. For my entire childhood, I’d always known that any day, without warning, my entire life could be different. Different home. Different school. Different social worker.
That lesson stayed with me and contributed to my never having any sort of serious relationship. I was too used to people leaving, and honestly, I was fine with that. When you don’t form connections, it doesn’t really faze you when the roster of people in your life changes.
The problem I was having now was that I knew the roster was going to change, and I wasnotfine with that. I kept having to remind myself that this wasn’t going to last forever, but I’d been pretending that it was. Skye, Callie, and Lola would move home. And Naomi… I didn’t know how much longer we had with her.
I turned my attention back to the grill and saw Naomi walking out of the sliding doors. Skye had mentioned that she seemed to be getting weaker, and I noticed now that she was right. Her cheeks were hollowed out, and if I had to guess, I’d say she’d lost at least ten pounds since she’d arrived. Which, on her petite frame, left her looking like she would blow over in a strong wind.
Today, her hair was in two Dutch braids. It was the same style that Callie, Lola, Bella, Rihanna, and Skye were all wearing for the party. The night before, they’d all sat in the family room and braided each other’s hair.
When she noticed me standing beside the grill, her eyes widened. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were out here. I just wanted to come and see the decorations before the party started.”
She turned back to leave, but I stopped her.
“You don’t have to go.” She looked uncertain, so I pulled out a chair for her. “Did you want to sit?”
“Okay.”
My heart was pounding wildly in my chest as I held the chair for her. This was the first and only time we’d been really and truly alone since she arrived. There was always someone around. But now, it was just the two of us. I’d been wanting to talk to her, and this seemed like as good a time as any.
She lowered down into the seat gingerly, and I pulled the oxygen tank beside her. “Thank you.”
“Did you want something to drink? Water, soda, lemonade?” I asked.
“Lemonade would be great.”
I opened the outdoor fridge and grabbed a lemonade for her and a beer for me. I handed it to her and watched as she struggled with the cap. It was clear that she wasn’t strong enough to open it.
Shit. I should have thought of that. “Here, I’ll get it.”
She nodded and closed her eyes. The dark circles beneath her eyes and pale skin revealed she was exhausted. I wasn’t sure if the walk outside had been too much for her or if it was the exertion from attempting to open the bottle.
I twisted the top off and grabbed a straw, something I’d noticed that Skye always did for her, then set it down directly in front of her. I sipped my beer as her eyes opened, and she leaned forward and sipped.
“How are you feeling?” I knew it was a stupid question as soon as I said it, but it was too late to take it back.
Her lips curled up at the edges as she sat the drink back down. “Okay, I’m just tired.”
I nodded.
“Thank you again for letting me come and stay with you.”
I opened my mouth to tell her that she didn’t need to thank me, but instead I said, “Why didn’t you let me come visit you? In prison? Why did you take me off the list?”
Her eyes met mine, and for the first time since she’d arrived, I saw that they were filled with both fear and maybe even resignation. “I told myself it was because I didn’t know what to say when you asked me questions about…your father.” She took a labored breath. “But I think it was really because I was ashamed. I didn’t want you to see me in there like that. I just wanted you to have a happy life and forget about me. I’m sorry.”
