Page 81 of Heartsick & Lipsticks
She blinked up at me. “I don’t. That’s why she did it. I think she feels the same way as Bella.”
“So you never met anyone from the app?” I knew I sounded like a jealous ex but I couldn’t help myself. That’s how I felt, except it was even worse because we’d never actually been together. We’d only shared one night.
Her brows furrowed. “No, I never even saw it. I’m not even sure she ever finished making the profile.”
As badly as I wanted to suggest that we fulfill both our daughters wishes and be together, something was stopping me. Part of me didn’t want to say the wrong thing or to cross a boundary that she’d made very clear before she agreed to move in. It took me a second, but then I realized that another part of me was scared that she would reject me.
Rejection had never been an issue for me, especially with women. If a woman wasn’t interested in me, then I just moved on to the next. But if Skye wasn’t interested in me, not because she didn’t date, but she just didn’t want to date me…it would be devastating.
We stared at each other in silence. It drove me crazy not knowing what she was thinking. The tension was so thick between us, I was sure I could cut it the knife I’d just been rinsing off. It was always like this with us. From the first time we’d met, there was this energy between us that was undeniable.
I’d been sure that it was just sexual tension. I’d told myself that after we acted on it our attraction would lessen. Turns out, I’d been a fucking idiot. The opposite had happened. If anything, I wanted her more than ever now that I knew what her lips felt like against mine, what she tasted like, the sounds she made when she came.
Not being able to kiss her, to touch her, to make love to her had been torture these past few weeks. The only thing that had made it bearable was that I was getting to spend so much time with her and Callie and Lola. Having them all here, under my roof, getting to know them and in my own way take care of them had taken the edge off of what I felt for Skye.
“Never mind.” She shook her head once more as she walked over to put the leftovers in the fridge. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“How’s Naomi doing?” I changed the subject, not wanting her to put the walls up that she seemed to erect so easily. “She seemed quiet at dinner.”
“I think she was a little sad today.”
“Sad? About what?” As soon as I asked the question, I knew how stupid I sounded.
She was dying. Even though, technically, we were all dying, it had to be a mind fuck to know that your time here was limited.
Skye’s shoulder shrugged and I could tell that there was definitely something she wasn’t telling me.
“What’s wrong? Why is she sad?”
“You should probably ask her. You shouldtalkto her.”
Her response had me feeling instantly defensive. Dr. Lavine, Alex, Maddox, Sadie, Peyton, Jada, they’d all said the same thing, but hearing it come from Skye bothered me more for some reason.
“Isn’t that your job?” I snapped back and instantly regretted it.
She flinched at my words.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” I took a step forward only for her to retreat.
She lifted her hands up, creating even more of a barrier between us. “No, that’s fine. You’re right. I’m sorry I suggested that.”
“Skye don’t apologi—”
“Mom!” Callie called out from down the hallway. “What swimsuit should I bring to camp?”
“Coming!” Skye called back as she slid the dish into the fridge. She cleared her throat as she walked out of the kitchen. “You can leave the rest of this. I’ll clean it up after I’m done helping Callie figure out what to pack.”
I watched as she walked out of the kitchen and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. She hadn’t deserved my cutting remark. Between the jealousy I’d felt over her saying that she liked Ben and then my reaction to her suggesting I talk to my mom, I barely recognized myself.
I was the flirty, fun guy who didn’t take anything too seriously. Alex was the brooding one. Not me. Skye brought out something in me I’d never felt before, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. No woman had ever made me feel things as deeply as she did. No woman had ever really made me feel anything much more than lust and friendship.
I definitely felt lust with Skye but I sure as hell didn’t want to be her friend. The question was, what did I want to be? Dr. Lavine had asked what I’d feel if Skye did date, and the answer was, I’d be upset. Really upset. So then what? Did I want to be with her?
Even if I did, would that matter? She’d made it clear that she didn’t want anything. And why would she after how I’d been behaving. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than me.
