Page 78 of Heartsick & Lipsticks
“You can help me wash the potatoes.”
“Cool.”
I demonstrated to her how to use the vegetable scrubber as she rinsed each potato before setting it in a bowl. Her little face concentrated so hard as she followed my instructions. Watching her reminded me of all the time I’d missed when Callie was that age. When I was in school, I had classes, homework, and was working full time as a server. Once I got out, I’d been so overwhelmed starting my new career in nursing and because my starting salary wasn’t more than I’d made as a server, I’d worked both jobs during my first contract that lasted two years. That meant, for the first eight years of Callie’s life every day had been a marathon and I’d just been trying to get to the finish line. The finish line being when I finally got to lay my head on the pillow each night.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Bella asked, snapping me out of my walk down memory lane.
“No,” I automatically responded.
Gripped with suspicion of Bella’s sudden interest in my relationship status, my eyes shot to Callie. Had she put Bella up to asking me that? Callie’s attention was fully invested in listening to the podcast and chatting with Parker, so I didn’t think my daughter was behind this line of inquiry.
There’d been crickets about my dating life, or lack thereof since I put the kibosh on her signing me up for the dating app. Since we moved in, I’d done my best to keep my physical and emotional distance from Nick, even though all I wanted to do was throw myself into his arms. I had been hyper vigilant in making sure Callie didn’t pick up on any ‘vibes’ between the two of us. That goal had been made easier by Nick’s total lack of interest in me. The only time we ever even talked was when he helped me clean up after dinner. Callie had always hated doing dishes, so she usually disappeared for about an hour after we were done eating.
At home, she had to do the dishes twice a week. Here, she’d gotten a summer break from chores. I told myself it was because this was a unique situation, but that was a copout. The truth was, I looked forward to the time that Nick and I spent alone every night in the kitchen doing dishes. As pathetic as I knew it was, our nightly routine felt like stolen moments that I knew I would miss once everything was back to normal.
“Do youwanta boyfriend?” Bella followed up.
“Um, no, I don’t.”
Her face and shoulders dropped and she let out a disappointed sigh.
“What’s wrong?”
“I thought that you might want my daddy to be your boyfriend.”
“Oh, well, I don’t think…I’m not sure…” I had no idea how to respond to that.
“Uncle Alex and Uncle Maddox both have girlfriends now, and I don’t want my daddy not to have one.”
My first instinct was to tell her that her daddy could have any girlfriend he wanted, but that wasn’t the response she needed. I was still thinking of what the appropriate response to her concerns would be when she hopped off the stool and ran back over to her coloring.
Apparently, scrubbing potatoes was as boring as listening to a podcast.
My heartstrings tugged as I watched the two girls sitting beside each other. They both wanted the same thing, for their parents to date. I knew my reasons, but I’d never asked Nick why he hadn’t ever been in a serious relationship.
I’d assumed it was because he had so many women, why settle for one. But now that I’d spent more time with him, I wondered if that was actually the case. The thought of him being with another woman, of Bella helping someone else with dinner, made me want to throw up but also… I wanted that for him. I wanted that for her.
The last thing I’d ever want was for him to be lonely. Or Bella to be sad. If he found someone who he loved, who loved Bella, I’d have to be happy for him. Even if the thought of it now shattered my heart into a million pieces.
A ding sounded indicating the oven was pre-heated and I placed the roast inside of it. Naomi’s appetite had been non-existent and I worried that this meal would be too heavy for her. If it was, I would make her something lighter.
I headed to her room and knocked softly on the door before opening it. I expected to find a full house but instead Naomi was alone, sitting in the reading chair looking out the window. She turned when I walked in. Her face looked noticeably thinner and her complexion was gray.
“Hi,” I smiled.
She smiled weakly. “Hi.”
“Where’s Gary?”
“Annette called. He’s outside talking to her.”
“Where’s Lola?”
“She’s taking a shower before dinner.”
“Oh, okay. I was just checking if roast, scalloped potatoes and green beans sounded good or if you want me to make something else. I could make that risotto again.” Last week, I’d made a butternut squash risotto and she’d cleaned her plate.
“Roast is fine.” Her head turned back to look out the window and it was then that I noticed there were tears in her eyes. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me.
