Page 63 of Heartache & Playdates
Just breathe.
Maddox’s voice sounded in my head. Over and over again, I heard him whispering it in the dark against my ear.
Slowly, I felt myself returning to my body. I could feel my legs beneath me. I could hear the sounds of the people around me. And I no longer felt like I was going to revisit my lunch. I wasn’t sure if it had been a few seconds or a few minutes. When I was dealing with those, time didn’t pass in a linear sense. It was all-consuming. But I could feel the symptoms drifting away as my senses all began to return to me.
That had been close. These episodes were brought on by stress and triggers. I thought I’d been under stress and had triggers at other times in my life, but it seemed moving across the country, leaving the only life I knew, caring for my elderly grandma, starting a new job, and having Maddox’s daughter in my class was my threshold.
I still felt a little shaky as I opened the front glass door and was met with a flock of parents waiting to collect their children. I smiled, and hoped I was doing a good job of disguising the mini panic attack I feared was waiting in the wings ready to come back on stage at any moment for an encore performance.
Each conversation was a variation of parents asking how their child was in class, if I noticed fill-in-the-blank behavior, if I knew about the parent portal where I could communicate directly with each parent and welcoming me to the school.
By the time I’d made it through a dozen or so of the same conversation, I was feeling much more like myself. I could hear the sounds around me. My stomach was calmer than Mr. Rogers’ voice. And my pulse was no longer beating like I’d stabbed a shot of adrenaline straight in the heart.
“Okay, Willa, tell Miss Peyton you’ll see her tomorrow,” Mrs. Combs instructed.
“See you tomorrow, Miss Peyton,” Willa obediently parroted.
It was only after the mother and daughter duo walked away that I recognized the woman. It had been driving me crazy since I’d met her this morning where I’d seen the brunette before. Willa’s mom was the woman I’d seen hugging Maddox in the park. That was who he’d been on a playdate with.
I’d thought he was exaggerating at the reunion about the whole “playdate” thing. But after talking to Bianca this afternoon, apparently that was a thing. And Maddox Cruz was inhigh demandin the playdate department.
Not having children myself, I knew it wasn’t my place to judge, but I just couldn’t imagine a scenario where I’d ever use my child as some kind of wingman to get the attention of a man. It just didn’t sit right with me, but then again, I’m sure the choices I’d made in my life wouldn’t sit right with a lot of people.
“Peyton?” An attractive woman with red curly hair, bright hazel eyes, and freckles sprinkled over her nose who looked familiar approached me but I couldn’t place her.
“Yes, hi!” I smiled brightly.
“Hi, I’m Lizzy, Hannah’s mom.”
“Oh!” Right. I’d seen her in the pictures on Maddox’s phone at the reunion. I wondered if she knew about me. From the twinkle in her eyes, I was pretty sure that she did. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was in this situation, so I played it safe. “It’s so nice to meet you. Hannah is a delight. She has a heart of gold.”
That wasn’t a lie. After lunch, she’d saved the day again. When Zoya, who was clearly painfully shy, tripped and fell as she carried a box of crayons sending them flying, Hannah jumped up and started helping her pick them up, then walked her over to her desk and sat with her the rest of free time, taking her mind off of falling in front of the class.
“Thanks, we think she’s pretty special.” Lizzy glanced over to where Hannah was playing hopscotch with some girls from another class.
When she turned back to me, I thought she might be suffering from the same symptoms I’d just experienced. The color drained from her face, and she breathed out her mouth as she placed her hand on her stomach.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “Did you want to sit down. Do you need some water?”
“No… I’m just…” She looked upwards, swallowed, and then inhaled slowly through her nose and out through her mouth. When she tilted her chin back down, her eyes met mine and she smiled. “I’m fine. I better go, I just had to make sure I said hi and it’s so nice to finally meet you.”
The smile that she had on her face was warm, and kind but the way she said finally was a dead giveaway that she definitely knew who I was.
“You too.” I waved as mother and daughter headed out of the school gates.
Maddox had always talked about wanting a family. A big family. He wanted to be a dad more than anything. I was so happy to see that he’d gotten his dream.
Even though the circumstances weren’t ideal, I was happy that I’d met Maddox’s daughter and the mother of his child. They were two of the most important people in his life and it felt strange to me that I didn’t know them.
But, now that I did, the question remained if I would be able to keep my relationship with him professional for the rest of the school year or not. It would be hard. Maddox had a way of getting under my skin with a single look. I guess it was easy because he was already there. He was a part of me, like my DNA.
Which was why I didn’t know how I’d be able to keep my emotional, or physical for that matter, distance from him. I walked back inside and was deep in thought as I entered my classroom.
“Hi.” A deep voice sounded that my body instantly knew.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as goosebumps rose on my arms as I lifted my head and saw Maddox Cruz leaning against the table in the back.
“How did you get in here?” I hadn’t seen him out front and the school was secure and no parents or visitors were allowed inside without getting a visitor’s pass with the office.
