Page 151 of Heartbreak & Cupcakes
“You were right…in the hospital. Things had changed. I was going to break up with you, after I knew you were okay, obviously.”
My heart sank. Knowing something on an academic level and hearing your worst fear confirmed were two entirely different things. I’d “known” that he was going to break up with me, but I hadn’t heard him say the words. His behavior, and the fact that he hadn’t argued with me when I said it was proof that I’d been right but actually hearing the words was a totally different experience all together.
“I had lunch with Nick and Maddox today and they said that you let me off the hook. But here’s the thing…I don’t want to be off the hook. I want to be on it. After lunch I went to Bay View and talked to Mr. Harris—”
“How do you two know each other?” I’d been wanting to ask since I found out that Alex had been the one to renovate the center, and I wasn’t sure if I’d have another chance.
“We met at a group for widows.”
Oh, that made sense.
“Anyway, he said some things, a lot of things that made sense. He talked about his first love, Alice—”
“Alice?” All I’d ever heard him talk about was Maggie.
Alex nodded. “They were high school sweethearts. She passed away when he was overseas in the Army.” Alex took a deep breath. “He never thought he’d love again, but he did. And even if I never see you again, so did I. I love you, Sadie. It’s not the same love I had for Ash, it’s different. I’ll always love Ash, forever. Nothing will ever change that. Not even the fact that I am totally, completely, head over heels in love with you.
“Mr. Harris accused me of either being a coward or a selfish fool. The truth is, I’ve been both and I’m sorry.”
I started to shake my head. “No, you don’t have anything to apologize for.”
Alex lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. “Yes, I do. You deserve someone better than the basket case I’ve been. You deserve someone who can make a commitment to you, a real commitment, not someone who wants to try things out on a trial run. I can’t believe what an absolute asshole I’ve been.”
I stared into Alex’s eyes and I could feel his pain. He’d obviously been torturing himself about this and I wanted to tell him that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but I knew if I did he’d only double down to convince me that he had.
His thumb brushed against my jaw, and I closed my eyes at the rough texture of his workworn hands that grazed my skin. “I miss you, Sadie. I am in physical pain. I thought I had the flu, but it turns out I just miss you.”
That was the same thing I’d experienced the week that I moved back here.
“I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’m miserable. And I know that I don’t deserve it, I know that you have every right to kick me out of here and never speak to me again, but I’m asking for a second chance. Or, I guess, a third chance. I know that you—”
“Alex.” I opened my eyes. As much as I appreciated his declaration of love and desire to be with me, he didn’t know the whole story. Before this went any further, I needed to tell him what I’d found out at the hospital.
“What?” He searched my eyes when I didn’t speak.
I licked my lips nervously. I’d always dreamed of becoming a mom, but I’d never envisioned this moment. The moment where I had to break the news to the baby daddy. Probably because I’d always assumed it would be a planned pregnancy.
Alex lowered down so he was seated on the coffee table in front of me and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees waiting for me to continue.
“Um, thank you for saying all of that. I really appreciate it. And I want you to know, no matter what happens in the next few minutes, I know that you love me. Okay?”
His brow furrowed and I could see the worry fill his dark ocean gaze. “Sadie, you’re scaring me.”
“Sorry.” I smiled, hoping to disguise my nerves. “It’s just, I have to tell you something and after you hear it, I’m not sure that you’ll want to be with me.”
If the accident freaked him out, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what finding out that I was pregnant was going to do to him. The sound of my thumping heart and the woosh of my shallow breaths echoed in my head. My palms dampened and my mouth filled with saliva. Nerves rioted through me and all I wanted to do was go into the bedroom, climb under the covers and hide. But I knew that I couldn’t do that.
I just needed to rip the Band-Aid off. I took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
My eyes searched his for any reaction, but he continued staring at me.
I stood up, feeling like an emotional Jack-in-the-Box had sprung me to my feet. I always thought better on my feet. “It’s really early. I’m only four weeks along and it is considered high risk because of my age. The doctor called it a geriatric pregnancy which makes me sound ancient. I mean I know that I’m no spring chicken, but geriatric?” A nervous giggle escaped my mouth as I continued babbling. “I thought the term was a bit harsh but after I got home I did some research and it turns out that is the correct term.” I told myself to shut-up so that Alex could speak, but that didn’t happen. “I was going to tell you in eight weeks, after I made it through my first trimester because that is what is considered the ‘safe-zone’. I haven’t told anyone. Not Charli, not my dad, not Yana. It’s not like I told everyone but you. I figured you should be the first to know, I mean besides me.” I took a breath and tried to slow down. “I know that this wasn’t planned, but I am excited about it. And I know that you might not be, and that’s okay. I totally understand if you don’t want to be a part of this. But I am keeping it, no matter what.”
There. I said my piece. All of it. It wasn’t pretty. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if it made any sense. But I said it.
Alex blinked. “You’re pregnant?” he asked in a whisper.
Okay, maybe I should have said my piece after he had time to process. He may not have heard a word of what I’d said after the word pregnant left my mouth.
