Page 133 of Heartbreak & Cupcakes
She was mine and I was hers. It was something that I hadn’t even known I’d missed, but now that I felt it again, I didn’t want to let it go.
As she whispered those three sweet words I drove deeper inside of her faster and faster. All my efforts to slow things down were shot once I heard her say that she loved me. I buried my face in her neck and thrust into her with enough force that her declarations of love were cut off by gasps.
Our skin slapped against one another in my relentless pursuit to take us both up and over the edge of ecstasy. Just when I felt myself getting close to the edge, her I-love-yous turned to cries of, “Yes, don’t stop! Yes!”
Her thighs began to shake as her arms tightened around my neck, holding me close to her. When her inner walls started spasming, the sensation caused the dam to break and my orgasm crashed through me with the power of a levy bursting.
I squeezed her hip as a sound, deep from my soul, ripped from my chest. It was a sound of letting go. Of acceptance. Of release. And of reclaiming myself.
When I finally began to drift back to reality, I could feel the shift inside of me. Something had broken open in me and it wasn’t just my orgasm. It was deeper. It was at the soul level.
I collapsed onto Sadie, wrapping my arms around her as I laid my head on her chest. She ran her hands through my hair and I listened to her heart beating beneath my cheek. I knew that I might not be able to give her everything she deserved but I wanted to try and give her what I could.
“Sadie,” her name came out in a growl.
“Hmm,” she responded as her fingernails grazed my scalp sending aftershocks of bliss spreading through me like a shot of whisky.
I knew that if I didn’t say this now, I might never say it. So instead of coming up with the right words, I just blurted out, “I want to try and be with you. I can’t promise you forever. I don’t know if I can do this, but I want to try. I want to take it day by day. Is that okay?”
She didn’t answer right away and I knew that what I was asking for was unfair. I braced myself, prepared to hear that she wanted more than what I was offering, which she should.
Finally, she answered with a simple, “Okay.”
My heart exploded with relief, but I told myself not to get too excited. I didn’t want her to compromise her needs, wants because of me. I needed to make sure that she understood what this was.
Lifting my head, I stared into her light brown eyes as I rested my weight on my forearms. The moonlight reflected in the flecks of gold floating in the caramel swirls. I was still buried deep inside of her and as soon as our eyes met, I felt her inner walls spasm around me.
I did my best not to be distracted by how good her body felt and stay on track. This was too important not to say. “I’m serious. This might be too much. I don’t know if I can actually do this. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to say that…how I feel about you.”
I loved Sadie. I knew that. But something was stopping me from telling her that.
Her head tilted to the side and a tiny grin lifted on her lips. “No one can actually promise forever. I’ve had guys promise me forever and then I show up and all the furniture in my apartment is gone and my bank account is empty. Words are pretty but actions are real. You’ve shown me that you care about me. I know that you do. We’ll just take this day by day.”
Day by day. I wanted to give her forever, but I would take day by day.
