Page 87 of Roses from Pemberley
Rain pelted down on the carriage rooftop.
“I have never shared this with anyone,” said Darcy. “To be honest, I always believed that I had to be impervious, that if I ever let the armour slip, then everything would weaken and fall apart. Do you think it was wrong to think this way?”
She shook her head. “How can it have been when it was what allowed you to endure those difficult times?” She drew his hand to her lips and kissed it. “And yet,” she continued, “do you not think that your armour, as it were, has made life rather lonely?”
“Perhaps…probably.”
“So…do you think you might share things with me again - things that distress you, or things you are not certain of?”
“I do not know,” he said slowly. “Wouldn’t you rather that I protected you?”
“Hmmm,” she said with mock concentration. “But would that not be selfish of me?”
“But is it not what you expect from the man you marry?”
“No!” she cried, now pulling back and looking him square in the eye. “Is that what you expect from the womanyoumarry? To simply do everything for her and never have her do anything for you? Because if it is, then you have chosen the wrong woman. You must stop thinking of yourself as the sole guardian of those you love. It is not good for you and it is certainly not good for me.”
Darcy blinked, appearing confused. “So what, then? Should I involve you with tenant disputes? Georgiana’s insecurities? Keeping peace with my sometimes contentious relatives?”
“Yes! To all of it. If you have doubts, pray, tell them to me. And if I haven’t any idea as to what to do, then I shall admit it.” She looked at him reprovingly. “Perhaps…if you had sought advice in the case of Bingley, for example, then you would not have pushed him in the wrong direction.”
He winced. “Yes, I suppose you have a point.”
She sighed and looked affectionately at him. “I do admire you, Darcy. More than any man I know, or have ever known. You are intelligent, have lived in the world and have had many more experiences than I. And I shall be happy to share my troubles with you. But you must now feel free to share yours with me. I think…you will be happier if you do.”
He gazed at her for quite some time, as if various important thoughts were warring for dominance in his brain. But she hoped that she could somehow get him to change.
At length, his expression softened and he said, “And would it make you happy if I did that?”
“And is my happiness the only way I can convince you to share your concerns with me?”
He laughed. “Perhaps not but…it is likely the mosteffectiveway of convincing me.”
“Very well, then, Darcy. It would make me happy for you to share your troubles with me. Even if these troubles may distress me initially, I believe that both you and I will be happier if you did.”
“Well then, I suppose I will.”
She grinned. “Do you promise?”
“Yes, Elizabeth. I promise.”
CHAPTER 38 After the Funeral
Later that day, Elizabeth and Darcy sat in the drawing room of Longbourn with Jane, Bingley and her two uncles. Her mother had gone upstairs to her room to rest, while Mary and Kitty went to Netherfield with Georgie and Diana. The earl and countess, Lady Catherine, Anne and Richard had left for London.
They spoke of the purchase of Purvis Lodge which had previously been discussed with Mrs. Bennet. In the end, it was Darcy and Bingley who would do the actual purchasing, while Mr. Gardiner would arrange for the renovations. Mr. Philips would take care of all the legal documents and the negotiation of the terms. They estimated that it would take approximately three months before the Bennets could move in.
All the while, Elizabeth kept thinking about Darcy and the days after his father died. She knew, from what Lady Matlock had said, about his life as a young master of an estate. But only today did she finally realise how uncertain he must have felt. How vulnerable. She had thought, when they first met, that he was highhanded, used to getting his own way, and never cared about the wishes of others. But today’s revelations allowed her tounderstand that he was simply used to making decisions alone. And how only the best intentions ever guided him.
They had a quiet family dinner at Longbourn, then afterwards gathered in the drawing room and broke up into smaller groups. She felt more lighthearted now, as if she had gained a small summit and was finally looking downward. Georgiana and Mary played the pianoforte, alternating at the instrument and sometimes playing duets. Kitty and Diana sat at a table looking at fashion plates and discussing the balls at Almack’s (which Diana said were incredibly boring.) Elizabeth and Jane sat with their mother and Bingley as she made tentative plans for their double wedding in the fall. Darcy and Mr. Gardiner sat in two armchairs across from one another and discussed the trout stream at Pemberley.
At some point the subject of Lydia’s wedding came up and Kitty asked their mother if Lydia would be provided with a trousseau.
“Oh, I have not even thought of that,” said Mrs. Bennet, “so much has happened lately. What think you, Brother?”
Mr. Gardiner stood up and went to sit by his sister while Elizabeth took the opportunity to sit beside her betrothed.
“I suppose I could provide Lydia with a trousseau of sorts,” he said. “Though I do hate to reward such irresponsible behaviour with presents.”
