Page 75 of Roses from Pemberley
It is late evening now as I sit in my study, contemplating my good fortune. That I was able to secure your love, means more to me than anything. Thank you for understanding, and for forgiving my faults. Indeed, you had every right to despise me after such an insulting proposal. I admit now that I had no doubts of my acceptance, and assumed that the material benefits I conferred would be more than enough to gain your acceptance, (arrogant fool that I was!) But if I had to be humbled by someone, I am glad that someone was you.
You may think to yourself that this business with Wickham and Lydia will somehow make me think less of you…or of your family. But I assure you it does not. Indeed, it seems like a small price to pay when I think of all the happy years I shall have with you.
I long to bring you home to Pemberley. To have you sit with me in the evenings and walk with you in the rose gardens. To be able to discuss my day to day concerns with you and have the benefit of your keen intellect at my disposal. To lie beside you at night and kiss you in the morning.
I miss you, and wish I could be with you now. But I tell myself that, tomorrow, I shall once more be in your company.
With all my love,
FD
Elizabeth clutched the letter to her chest and smiled. And then she read it again…and again. How thoughtful he was for sending it by express, knowing how worried she would be. She missed him terribly but was gladdened by the fact that he would arrive the following day.
She began to pen a letter to him that she would send back with the express rider.
CHAPTER 32 In Mourning
Darcy was in the breakfast parlour early the next day, when the express rider arrived. It was a letter from Elizabeth and something he was most pleasantly surprised to receive. He settled into his seat with a second cup of coffee before him and began to read.
Longbourn House, Hertfordshire
My dearest,
How happy I was to have received your letter, and at a time when I was feeling at my lowest. Before I forget, my mother sends you her deepest thanks for all you have done for our family. She has mentioned several times already what a good man you are.
Alas, my father passed away a few hours ago and I have been keeping vigil beside him while everyone sleeps. Many thoughts went through my head, not the least of which was that you thought less of me for having such a family and for causing you such aggravation. I recall what you said in your proposal and, though it may pain you to have it repeated, Ithought about how far beneath you I am and how I, alone, am reaping the benefits of this match. I humbly acknowledge now that you were right - about everything. And yet, despite this disparity, and my mortifying connections (To have Wickham as a brother!) you chose to love me and offer me your hand in marriage. Do not feel bad that I am admitting this. For I shall admit many things to you during our lifetime and you must be prepared to hear all manner of confessions. I love you and am every day in awe that you chose to love me.
I look forward to seeing you tomorrow (or perhaps it is later today?) and shall feel bereft the entire time you are not with me.
Yours forever,
EB
He read and re-read the letter and wished to respond immediately to it (even though he would be at Longbourn that same day.) He thought about the letter endlessly and her sentiments about their marriage being unequal. He simply could not stand the notion that she thought herself to be reaping all the benefits of the match!
Elizabeth also included a note for Mr. Gardiner, telling him of her father’s passing, which she requested he have delivered to her uncle. Once he saw to that, Darcy changed into travelling clothes and had his horse saddled. A carriage would follow behind him but - for the time being - his only wish to reach Elizabeth.
He enjoyed the springtime ride between London and Hertfordshire. The day was balmy, and the roads dry. He knew that Elizabeth must be suffering after the death of so beloved a father. And he would make it his mission to provide her with all the comfort - both emotional and material - that it was in hispower to give. The miles went quickly, as he noted the passing scenery - farmlands with newly growing crops, trees lining the road whose leaves were filling out; clumps of wildflowers, at times in great profusion, to be seen here and there. He stopped at an inn to have a little refreshment and allow his horse to rest. But it was a quick stop - no more than twenty minutes - and before long he was once more galloping across the countryside.
*****
Elizabeth expected that there would be some callers that day, those who wished to pay their respects to her family at the loss of a husband and father. But, other than Mr. and Mrs. Philips and Mr. Bingley, no one came. She had tasked the cook with having food and drink ready, and the sight of all the unused food made her indescribably sad. She understood now that they were being shunned because of Lydia’s indiscretion, but it still hurt - particularly when she had just lost her father.
Elizabeth considered letting everyone know that Lydia was on the verge of getting married but perversely kept silent.Let them find out about it once she is married, Elizabeth thought to herself.This just goes to show who our true friends are.Mrs. Bennet had been so upset by the lack of callers that she had gone to her room to lie down and cry. Kitty and Mary had been with her earlier but looked so downcast that Elizabeth decided to send them to their rooms as well.
Thus, she was sitting alone in the drawing room when a caller was announced.Whoever it is, she thought,he must be a kind soul.
Surprisingly, it was Darcy.
He stood in the entry hall, hat in hand, a puzzled expression on his face. “Elizabeth?”
She ran into his arms and was engulfed by them. “I am so happy to see you,” she said tearfully.
For a while neither spoke, each simply revelling in the warmth of the other.
“Why are you alone, Elizabeth?” he asked, pulling back and eying the tea service which remained mostly untouched.
She looked around and saw how pathetic it all must have appeared to him.
