Page 57 of Roses from Pemberley
“What are you doing here, Darcy?”
He looked up to find Diana at the entrance to the stables, looking curiously at him. “I saw you leave the house and decided to follow. Are you distressed by something? And would you care for some company?”
*****
Elizabeth also spent a sleepless night, her mind constantly tormented by thoughts of Darcy - his unhappy childhood and unerring sense of duty.
Oh what have I done?she thought for the hundredth time that night.To have turned down a man who was so good, responsible and loyal. And later to have taken Wickham’s side against him - Wickham who was everything deceitful and wrong. And now he shall marry a woman fifty times my worth, and a hundred times my beauty. Why would he not?
But she could not let it stand like that. She had to tell him - no matter the cost to her dignity - how much she respected him, and how sorry she was for having taken Wickham’s side against him. She would do it in the morning, she thought - awaken early, then go to him. Nothing else mattered.
She rose from her bed before dawn (She did not actually awaken as she never went to sleep in the first place), put on her simplest day dress, and made her way towards Rosings. She walked along the lane, hearing the chirping of the birds and the gentle rustling of leaves. She shivered quite a bit at first, but soon became warm because of her rapid pace. She was a little lightheaded and knew she was behaving irresponsibly. In fact,she did not actually know what she would do when she arrived at Rosings. Her only thought, for the moment, was to get there. And the only thing driving her was the need to speak to him - before it was too late; before he became engaged to Diana.
She stood at the edge of formal gardens and stared at the manor house. He must still be sleeping, she thought, but would probably awaken within the next few hours. She sat on a nearby bench and waited, thinking further about what she might do.
She could wait for calling hours, of course. And perhaps - ostensibly - call on Diana. And then she might ask Diana if she would allow Elizabeth to see her cousin for a short while. But would Diana allow it? And was it even honorable for Elizabeth to ask Darcy’s soon-to-be fiance´e for the opportunity to meet with him? Regardless, it was the only plan she could think of for the time being. On the other hand, perhaps Darcy himself would simply appear from inside the house. That would certainly make things easier. However, something else happened that was unforeseen. A maid came out of the servants’ entrance, carrying a large pail. It was someone she knew and could easily approach; for she was the sister of Charlotte’s maid, Mary.
“Pardon me, Sarah?”
“Oh! Yes, Miss Bennet? You are out early…”
Elizabeth made a dismissive gesture. “Sarah, I was wondering if you would do me a favour. I am looking for…Lady Diana…”
“Oh, yes, miss! I know her - the beautiful lady who came with the earl and countess. Their daughter, as was.”
Yes, she is beautiful,thought Elizabeth, feeling more of an urgency to find Darcy than ever. “Is she within? I would like to speak to her, if I may. Although it is rather early.”
“Oh no, miss. Lady Diana has already awakened and left the house.”
“Has she?” asked Elizabeth, feeling unaccountably disappointed. Who would have thought that Diana would rise so early? She was so frustrated that she hardly caught Sarah’s next words.
“She and Mr. Darcy have gone riding.”
“Pardon me?”
“Lady Diana, miss, has gone riding with Mr. Darcy,” Sarah said slowly, as if speaking to a child. “They left close to an hour ago. Or perhaps a little more.”
“Oh, I see…” said Elizabeth, now confused about what her next course of action should be. “Ah…thank you, Sarah.”
“‘Twas nothing, miss.”
She allowed Sarah to pass and stood hesitantly near the side entrance to Rosings. Eventually, she returned to the bench she had sat on before and considered this new piece of information. Mr. Darcy and Lady Diana had gone riding together. They were alone, somewhere on the grounds of Rosings, perhaps even beyond. And the thought of this made her unbearably sad.
Perhaps Diana had already spoken to Darcy, as her mother wished her to do. Perhaps, realising that her mother was right, she went ahead and put the suggestion of marriage to her cousin. And Darcy, thinking that Elizabeth was no longer an option - or even no longer desirable - might have agreed to the plan. Perhaps Diana had always been at the back of his mind; and now, seeing her in such close proximity to Elizabeth, he may have realised how much better she was for him than the impertinent country miss who had dared refuse him - and in so egregious a manner.
Elizabeth stood up and began to walk. She really had no destination now, but only knew she wished to get away from both Hunsford and Rosings. The sun had come up by then and cast an ethereal glow over Lady Catherine’s rose garden. It wasso beautiful, it made Elizabeth want to cry. She went there now and began to stroll between the rows, inhaling their lovely scent and feeling the sense of loss becoming stronger within her. She would never have a chance to apologise now, and show him her changed opinion. She would never be his wife, nor ever again the recipient of his love. He would marry Diana and lead a charmed life with her. Diana would preside over his table at Pemberley as Lady Anne had once done. She would throw lavish balls and merry house parties, a glorious testament to the Darcy name.
Perhaps Darcy would remember Elizabeth on occasion, and recall the warm feelings she had once elicited in him. But this would only occur for a moment or two, and he would then recall how she'd spurned his love…and thought so little of him.
She was in the midst of all these musings when she heard her name called.
“Elizabeth! Is that you?”
She looked up to find Diana coming towards her from the direction of the stables. With her was Mr. Darcy. She stared at them, not knowing what to say. For even now, they might be engaged. Would she then have to congratulate them? But, no. Darcy would never be so cruel as to present his new betrothed so abruptly to the woman he once proposed to.
Elizabeth forced herself to smile (though it may have come out as a grimace) and said, “Good morning, Diana. Mr. Darcy.” She could not bring herself to look at him.
“Miss Elizabeth, are you crying?” he asked. “Has something happened to distress you?”
