Page 47 of Roses from Pemberley
“I never knew it,” murmured Mrs. Bennet.
Elizabeth gazed at her mother then looked away.
“Is that why you told me to keep my voice down at the ball, Lizzy? Because you saw that Mr. Darcy could hear me?”
Elizabeth swallowed. “Yes, Mother.”
“I apologise,” said Mrs. Bennet. “This whole fiasco is my fault.”
“No, Mamma, not at all,” said Jane.
“But it is!” insisted their mother. “You almost lost Mr. Bingley because of me!”
Mrs. Bennet became tearful and Elizabeth went to sit beside her and kissed her on the cheek. “You were only trying to help, Mamma. And we appreciate it.”
Mrs. Bennet nodded. “‘Tis true, all I have ever wanted was to find you girls good husbands. And yet…I can see now that I went about it the wrong way.” She turned to Jane. “And please do not feel as if you have to marry in order to save the family. We shall be well…regardless.”
“Thank you, Mamma. I know it was not easy for you to say that.” She smiled. “Your greatest fear, after all, is that we shall have no home once Papa passes.”
Mrs. Bennet huffed. “This ishisfault as well, you know. For he should have made more of an effort to save, and to provide you with better dowries.”
“That would have been nice,” murmured Elizabeth. “Perhaps you might discuss it with him when we return home?”
“Yes, I believe I will.”
“Although,” said Jane, after another pause, “we must also make an effort to economise.”
“But how would it look,” asked Mrs. Bennet, “if my table were not the finest in the neighbourhood? And if you girls were dressed less fashionably?”
“At least we shall have our dignity,” said Elizabeth in a low voice.
Her mother looked at her curiously. And then she said, “You are right, my dear. Our dignity is what matters.”
Soon, Mrs. Bennet went to her room to rest, leaving Elizabeth alone with Jane.
She stared out the window, her mind returning to Darcy and his abrupt departure, and how hurt he had seemed just before he left. Everything he said was right - she had believed Wickham simply because he’d flattered her; and disbelieved Darcy because he’d insulted her. She never knew what happenedbetween them but suddenly realised that it was not even her business.
She thought about the flowers in her room and Darcy’s kindness in picking them for her. And then she thought about the man himself. His childhood. His mother. His thoughtfulness, and tendency not to speak of himself. Elizabeth began to feel the same sense of regret she’d felt on the afternoon of his proposal. Would she always find herself in such a predicament? And how many times would he allow it before finally realising that she was not worth all the effort?
“What is wrong, Lizzy?” asked Jane, interrupting her reverie.
“Do you think that Mr. Darcy shall ever come back again?” she asked.
Jane gave a weak laugh. “Why do you ask, Lizzy? Have you come to care for him?”
“I do not know, Jane,” she murmured, still unwilling to admit the truth to her sister. “I just suddenly feel as if I’ve wronged him. And that he will never forgive me.”
“Oh, Lizzy, do not think that way. You are a kindhearted person who may have made a…slight error in judgement. But we have all done that. Even Mr. Darcy. Pray, do not berate yourself. Simply clarify matters when you next see him.”
Elizabeth nodded slowly. “Yes, you are right, Jane. I shall try to see it that way.”
She went upstairs to her room and lay on the bed for some time.But will he ever come back again?she asked herself.
*****
More rains came and Darcy spent more days with Bingley, his aunt and cousins, alternately lounging around the drawing room of Rosings, and sulking in his rooms. Dr.Stephens had left by then, assuring him that Miss Elizabeth would be well. But Darcy had other matters occupying his mind at that point, namely Elizabeth’s poor opinion of him.
Perhaps he had been too easily offended. Perhaps Wickham simply had something that he did not have. A charm, a gaiety, an ease with strangers. Unfortunately, it was all superficial. He wished Elizabeth had seen that. He had been sitting in his private sitting room thinking these thoughts, when Bingley came to see him.
