Page 27 of Roses from Pemberley
“Very well,” said Jane.
*****
It rained for close to a week.
Elizabeth remained in her room, now strong enough to walk to the window and to the desk, but not yet strong enough to walk downstairs. Charlotte and Jane took turns keeping her company, but she still slept a great deal and often woke up alone and free to ponder her current circumstance.
She knew that Mr. Darcy was at Rosings and had been responsible for bringing Dr. Stephens, Jane and Bingley to Kent. But she had not seen him since his proposal, despite the fact that everyone from Rosings had already come to call. She thought about the dreams she had of him and wished for the hundredth time that she had not been so thoughtless and unkind when she turned him down. She also wondered if her dreams had anything in common at all with the real Darcy.
She spent a lot of time at the window, not having much else to do. If she angled her head just so, she could see Rosings in the distance - all grey stone, tall glazed windows and meticulously manicured gardens. She traced the path of a raindrop against the windowpane and imagined her finger changing its course and becoming wet in the process. But the rain was on the other side and continued to fall relentlessly - indifferent to anything she did.
And then one afternoon she saw something beyond the Hunsford gardens that she had not seen before. It was someone standing in the rain, quite a ways off and almost invisible in thedarkening shadows. A gentleman, it seemed, wearing a greatcoat and a dark beaver hat. The dim light from the late afternoon sky was behind him so she could not see his face. He was leaning against a tree and seemed to be facing in her direction. He was very still and could almost be mistaken for a part of the landscape. But her heart beat faster when she considered that it could be him.
Darcy.
She knelt at the window seat, looking for any signs of movement. But nothing changed. The dark figure remained still, seemingly attached to the trunk of the tree. The afternoon grew darker and the raindrops continued to trickle on the other side of the window. They looked almost like tears and she could practically feel them running down her own face. She imagined herself crying - a formless spirit, haunting the groves of Rosings, waiting for a man who once loved her but never returned.
Her room was dark, as she had not yet lit a candle. She closed her eyes momentarily and pressed her palms against them, realising absently that she had actually been crying. When she looked out the window again, the figure had vanished. Or perhaps it was never there at all. Perhaps it was just a trick of the light, another illusion brought on by her unfulfilled wishes.
Finally, there was a knock on the door and Jane came in with a candle, followed by Mary who carried a tray in her hand. Elizabeth turned back to the window and drew the curtains closed.
“Lizzy, why are you sitting in the dark?” asked Jane, starting to fuss about her. “Come, let us get you back to bed. Then you may eat this freshly baked bread and roasted chicken…”
“Has no one called today?” asked Elizabeth a little while later, as she ate.
“No,” Jane answered, seeing that Elizabeth looked a little forlorn. “Were you expecting anyone?”
“No…no one.”
Jane nodded. “We could hardly have expected anyone as it has been raining so hard…”
“Yes…of course,” said Elizabeth.
“Mr. Bingley did call the day before yesterday, however. And we talked for a while in the parlour.”
“That is good to hear, Jane. I am happy for you. As I recall, it was raining rather heavily as well...the day before yesterday. And yet Mr. Bingley was able to come.”
Jane looked down at her hands. “Yes, I thought the same thing.”
“I suppose,” said Elizabeth, “that he simply could not keep away from you. That he…missedyou. Do you still love him?”
Jane was quiet for a while before finally answering, “Yes, I still love him. He came here quite regularly while you were ill and we were able to converse. He was very supportive and loyal. I never thought that I would see him again and now…here he is - calling on me.”
“I have no doubt that he loves you,” said Elizabeth. “I do not believe he ever stopped.”
“But you have not even seen him, Lizzy. Not since Hertfordshire. How can you know this?”
“Because, Jane, having once known you, I cannot imagine that Mr. Bingley could ever find anyone to replace you.”
Jane smiled but said nothing, then shortly thereafter left to make Elizabeth more willow bark tea.
Once alone and done with her meal, Elizabeth went to the window again and pulled open the curtains. She stared into the darkness for quite some time, though she could not seeanything. And then, just when she was about to drop off to sleep, Elizabeth trudged to her bed and closed her eyes.
CHAPTER 14 Darcy, in the Rain
Darcy leaned against the trunk of the tree and stared at Elizabeth’s window. He had spent most of the afternoon in the company of Lady Catherine, his cousins and Bingley, who extolled the virtues of Miss Bennet and how happy he was to be in her company again. Anne and Richard also seemed to be getting on quite well and Darcy wondered if they had formed an attachment. He thought it would be good for both of them if they did. Richard was outgoing and poor. And Anne was reserved and wealthy. They were both perceptive and intelligent. And he would be happy for them if they ever announced that they were to marry.
For himself, however, Darcy felt unsettled. He wanted to see Elizabeth but was too afraid of finding that she still hated him.I do not even like you,she had said. True, she had asked for him while she was ill but…perhaps she was simply not in her right mind then. How could he presume anything when she was not even cognisant of what was going on around her? And yet…he missed her. Somehow - during those quiet hours alonewith her - he had become closer to her. They had developed a relationship wherein he loved her and cared for her and she, in turn, loved him and depended upon him. He missed those moments, despite the fact that he feared for her life while they were happening. They had been together in their own world. And he could almost imagine it as a harbinger of their future life together.
