Page 5 of Roses from Pemberley
Darcy sighed, tired from his night without sleep. And the thought of seeing Elizabeth Bennet today and having her look at him with disdain was something he did not look forward to. Nevertheless, Richard was right, and thus he would go. “Very well, Richard, let us call on the parsonage and take our leave. Shall we go now?”
“But it is not even eight! What is wrong with you, Darcy? You are not yourself and have not been since yesterday afternoon. I know that something has been weighing on your mind but you will not tell me about it. Very well, I accept that. But pray, Darcy, at least try to focus on the things around you!And whatever it is that is bothering you, will hopefully be of short duration.”
Yes, I hope so too,he thought to himself, but knew it would not be.
He stared absently at Richard as he ate his breakfast, wondering how Elizabeth would greet him that day, wondering if she would even look at him or, if she did, if it would be with hatred or displeasure.Perhaps I will not even look at her,he thought to himself.I shall greet her and appear composed, then leave once we have paid our respects. And Ishallmost definitely not scowl.The more Darcy thought about it the more he realised that it would be forever. He would never see her again. Thus he probablywouldlook at her, no matter how painful it was to do so. For she was beautiful; and her eyes were beautiful. And, though she had hurt him immeasurably, he still loved her.
Darcy took a sip of his coffee and looked at the clock. In another twenty minutes he would call at the parsonage and see Elizabeth Bennet for the final time.
CHAPTER 3 The Evening Before at Hunsford
Elizabeth slept the whole afternoon and awoke that evening feeling much worse. Charlotte came to examine her and pronounced that she felt hot and had a fever. She offered to send for the apothecary but Elizabeth refused, telling her that she would probably be better by morning.
“Shall I at least send up some broth?” asked Charlotte.
“I really am not very hungry.”
“But you cannot live on tea alone. And if you do not have some broth, then Ishallsend for the apothecary.”
“Very well,” said Elizabeth weakly, “send for the broth and I shall attempt to eat it. But I cannot promise to finish it.”
Once Charlotte left, Elizabeth lay back against the pillows, feeling even weaker than before. She’d had a sore throat that morning but it was now much worse. She also felt cold and could hardly keep her teeth from chattering. She wished that Jane was here, for Jane had various herbal remedies that she made which could take away all manner of symptoms and complaints.
She also thought about Mr. Darcy and felt worse and worse about how badly she had treated him. True, he had separated Jane from Mr. Bingley. But he probably had his reasons for doing so. And she told him she disliked him - right after he’d said he loved her.He seemed so sad,thought Elizabeth to herself, recalling the expression on Darcy’s face.He must really have loved me.
The broth came a few minutes later and Elizabeth was only able to eat a third of it before collapsing back onto her pillow and falling into a disturbed sleep. She dreamed of Darcy and his sad face and also dreamed of re-living that afternoon and treating him with less hostility…and more kindness.
Later that afternoon she began to dream that the room was spinning. She saw the bed spinning around and around, and the light from the window coming in and blinding her with its harshness. She kept wishing for Jane to come. And also kept wishing for a different scenario with Mr. Darcy. Over and over again, different scenarios played out in her fevered dreams.
“I love you and wish to marry you.”
“I apologise, Mr. Darcy, but I cannot…”
“I love you and wish to marry you.”
“I thank you for your proposal but it is impossible for me to accept…”
“I love you and wish to marry you.”
“But I always thought you disliked me. You were always frowning when you looked at me.”
“I apologise for that…but I was struggling against it.”
“Against what?”
“Why, my love, of course.” He smiled. “But are you not happy I lost the battle?”
At times she even dreamed that she accepted his proposal, and somehow changed his opinion of her family. And they lived happily ever after.
“I love you and wish to marry you.”
“But it was unkind - what you said about my family.”
“I am sorry, I did not mean to hurt you.”
“So how can you love me but still think that way about them?”
“I promise to always treat them well, if only you will marry me.”
