Page 120 of The Devil We Crave
I feel numb as I stumble to my feet.
“Lena…”
“It’s fine.” I smile weakly. “It’s all good.”
“Lena—”
“Hey, Ari?” I force a smile to my face. “Cone of silence, right?”
She nods. “Of course, but c’mon, sit and?—”
“I gotta run,” I blurt, still pasting the world’s fakest smile on my face as I shoulder my bag. “Catch up with you later, yeah?”
I started today confused about the whole Achilles situation.
Then I got angry.
Now, I’m just humiliated.
22
YELENA
It’s beenthree weeks since the night on the cliff.
Turns out humiliationfesters.
It gets under the skin and becomes infected. It spreads, tarnishing everything else, until even things thatmightbring you out of the funk become meaningless.
I don’t care when I get the notification that a certain book on financial reform enacted under King Henry VIII, which Ireallyneed for my midterm papers but has been perpetually checked out, has finally been returned.
Normally, this would be cause for celebration. Now, it’s…nothing.
Another small thing that should cheer me up is finding out all my parking tickets have been “forgotten about”. I don’t even have a car on campus anymore, but last year, as a freshman, I was determined to assert my newfound independence by having one—which I never drove and always forgot to move in time to avoid tickets.
…Which have now all been forgiven as part of some new initiative the bored officer at the front desk was rather vague about.
This, too, should be cause for celebration. Instead, it’s just ash in my mouth.
Theonething that does brighten thingsslightlyis the college announcing a new policy in the wake of the latest suspected murder victim. Visitors to campus have always had to check in, but alumni have always gotten a free pass on that.
The new policy closes that loophole. Nowanyonewho isn’t a current student or faculty member has to check in. Which isn’t a big deal, except to the one person I dread seeing on campus.
Kyle.
I haven't seen the piece of shit much, but when hedoesshow up, it’s always supremely triggering to be leaving the cafeteria only to see him yukking it up with some buddies across the quad.
The new policy of checking in would only inconvenience someone three minutes, but apparently that’s enough to dissuade him from visiting his alma mater on lunch breaks.
But even that, which should behuge, is barely a blip for me.
My friends have obviously noticed something is off. But a mix of me brushing it off as schoolwork stress and Arianna backing me up with that particular lie has kept them at bay.
Ari has been amazing since I dumped all my baggage on her. She’s made it clear that she’s around if I need an ear, but doesn’t pester me for updates.
She’s going to be a fantastic shrink one day.
I do feel shitty about not being more forthcoming with Wren. She’s my best friend in the world, and I haven’t even told her I lost my virginity. Like, come on.
