Page 33 of Maverick
My own father was an evil man, but for his kids he was an okay dad when he wanted to be. I’d only ever wanted his acceptance, but I had the wrong gender. Mannix had been favoured, not that he wanted the attention. It had been one of the reasons why I acted out. Especially when I found out what my father was going to use me for.
My heart ached for not waiting around for Maverick to return that night. Things could have been so different if I’d just stayed at the clubhouse, for him.
“Oh!” Lani jumped a few centimeters when she turned to see me standing in the doorway. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Sorry,” I replied. “I shouldn’t have intruded.”
“It’s okay,” she said quickly. “You can come in. It’s not finished yet.”
I stepped inside the room, and took in the painting in front of her. Her lines were perfect, confident and spaced evenly. It looked just like him, worry lines over his brow ridge, as if he were deep in thought.
“You’re painting from memory?”
She nodded. “I know, I should use a photo or something, but I usually just paint what’s on my mind.” She was solemn for a moment, her eyes raising up to her artwork again, as she chewed on her bottom lip. “I should hate him, and I know I act like I do when he’s around, but…”
“No, babe, he’s your Dad. Even if you’re angry with him. This is your outlet, you can paint him and remember that he’s still human, and still your father. You should be proud. Your art is gorgeous.”
Lani flushed a little at my praise, and I could tell she didn’t show her art to just anyone. That filled me with a sense of pride that she was letting me see this side of her.
“He didn’t want to be my dad.”
“Oh, Lani, that’s not true. He just thought he was doing the right thing to protect you.”
“Wouldn’t being here be the best thing to protect us?” she countered, and I had nothing to debate with, because I believed she was right. Somehow, I knew Maverick did what he did to protect them, because he believed this was the only way.
“Being a parent is hard. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever experience, but it’s also the best thing you’ll experience. Something that tears you apart, and yet, something you crave more than anything. The love you have for your child upon them taking their first breath is…intense. I believe he thought he could protect you by not being around, and that was his choice to do that. He chose to protect you because he didn’t think he coulddo it by being in your life. That had to be the hardest decision to make. I couldn’t imagine the pain he would have experienced in not seeing you everyday. Van is my entire life. He drives me absolutely mental, and yet, I enjoy spending time with him, playing with his trucks, and listening to his endless chatter about cars and The Wiggles. It’s precious, and I know I’m lucky to be a mum. I’m lucky he chose to be mine, even if I can’t stand his father. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Dane loves you, Lani, he loves you from afar, because he doesn’t know how to make up for the past.”
Lani’s eyes were watery, a silent tear making its way down her cheek, as she casually looked over at the picture of Maverick on her easel.
“Go and talk to him. Listen to him. Let him hear you, even if you scream at him. Let him hear your anguish.”
“What if…he doesn’t care?” she asked me, a slight tremor in her voice.
I put my coffee down on the side table, and moved over to her, pulling her into my arms. She wrapped hers around me and I held her tightly, feeling like she couldn’t say this to her mother. I was the only one she trusted because I knew her dad.
Somehow, maybe she knew I also knew what it was like to have a father who didn’t pay attention to me. Only, my father never would have turned up to my sports’ days, even if I’d been able to have them, or award ceremonies. He wouldn’t have cared.
“He will always care about you, Lani. But he is a boy, so he can’t ever take the first step. You need to do that, baby girl. Be your mother’s child, and go to him. Tell him how you feel. Make him see what his decisions have done to you. Then I know he’ll explain, the best way he can.”
Lani nodded against my neck, and I held her tighter than before, knowing this feeling of inadequacy. I knew what it felt to have a father who didn’t love you for you, no matter how hardyou tried. In this case, Lani’s dad truly did love her. I knew he did.
And I would ensure she knew that.
Even if I was mad at him. He still needed his daughter, and she needed her dad.
Slowly, we broke apart, and I turned just as Bane walked in with Van at his side.
“Mama!”
He ran into my arms, and I lifted him with ease. He laid his head on my shoulder for a moment, before he turned to the painting, and smiled.
“Daddy!”
Fear laced through me as I looked at Lani who frowned, but Bane simply smirked.
“No, baby,” I said, quickly. “That’s not your Dad. That’s Maverick, remember?”
“Do you wish he was his dad?” Lani asked me when Bane took Van to go and have something to eat. The question struck me so hard, and I turned to face the woman who was so like her mother, but I saw so much of Maverick in her too.
