Page 41 of Maverick
Pulling a smoke from behind my ear, I put it in my mouth and lit the fucker. I’d given up for years, but the last few days since my goodbye with Tavi, I’d been chain smoking. It was the only thing I could do so I didn’t lose my ever loving shit.
“You good?” he asked me after a beat. We hadn’t been on the best of terms lately, and I knew that was because I wasn’t down with him and his ol’ lady. Well, I hadn’t been. Rowan had proven herself to everyone in this damn clubhouse.
“Yeah,” I replied, putting my smoke out on my boot and throwing the butt into the ashtray on the table between us.
“Apartment trouble, or the other kind of trouble I’m going to need to know about?”
I couldn’t help but smirk, but it was half-hearted at best. “Nothing you need to worry about, Reap. I got it covered.”
“You sure. I know I’ve been preoccupied, but I can help you.”
I shook my head. “Nah, it’s good. Maybe after tonight, but right now, your missus just rocked up.”
He turned his head to look over at Cherry’s car, where Rowan just got out with Cherry, both of them laughing. I had no doubt that if I hadn’t been a complete fucking asshole, Tavi would probably be good friends with Rowan. One day she could be someone getting out of a car with Rowan, laughing, and eager to see me.
“You got a good one there, Reap, don’t fuck it up.”
“Brother, I’m well aware.”
He smacked me on the back, and tossed the last of his drink down his throat before he headed over to his woman. My chest squeezed tightly.
Fuck I missed Tavi.
My brain wouldn’t stop going over the way she cried when she knew it was done. The way she tried to stay strong. That kiss had broken something deep inside of me.
I replayed it over and over in my head. How she melted against me like she fit in my arms perfectly, how her moans activated something in my brain to claim, to make mine.
She was too fucking good for me. She wanted to be a good mum to Van. I wanted the same. I wanted them to be safe. I wanted my kids to be safe.
But fuck I missed them all.
I pulled the burner phone out of my pocket and looked down at the messages from Mari. After she’d discovered what I had done to Tavi, she’d let me have it. So did Lani. Both the women in my life, had told me I’d fucked it all up. That I’d broken the one woman I had ever seen having a future with.
It had crushed me, but I’d been keeping watch. She was living properly. I’d been checking on her every night. I’d watched in the rain as she put on a movie for her and Van, and they would cuddle into the couch together under a blanket until they both fell asleep.
Everything in me wanted to go in there, cuddle in with them, and carry them to their beds once they fell asleep. To crawl in behind Tavi, pull her into my arms and hold her tight. I knew I was fucked for her. I knew she owned a part of me no one else would ever have claim to.
Hell, I didn’t even know if she would take me back, even now. Even when Mannix promised he had our backs. Even when we were at a stage where no one was attacking us.
Maybe I could have her, have my kids around, be a dad. The best damn dad I could be. I wanted it all, and I had no idea how to even try to get it.
Looking down at the texts from my girls, I felt a cold shift land over my chest, and my aching heart.
MARI
Are you kidding me, Dane? What are you doing?
MARI
Oh great, so suddenly you’re quiet now? What the fuck have you done to the girl? After everything she’s been through?
MARI
Don’t reply. Be a big baby about it. I like her, and I will protect her from your bullshit. If you won’t treat her well, I know plenty of men would be lining up to do the job.
That last one had hurt me, but not enough to respond, because I knew that she was goading me.
LANI
