Page 75 of Payback
“Take your hands off me.” She glared at him. “I mean it, Loran. Don’t touch me right now.”
He swallowed the ball of fear lodged in his throat as he tried to find a way to un-do the mess he’d made. The woman he loved was crushed because she’d lost their baby and was clearly blaming herself, and he couldn’t even console her, or grieve with her because his stupidity cost him that right.
“Just tell me everything,” he said, his voice shaky. “What happened? How—”
“I don’t owe you anything.” She narrowed her eyes, balling her hands into fists at her sides. “I’m heartbroken, trying to come to terms with losing a baby I didn’t even know I was having with the man IthoughtI was going to spend the rest of my life with—”
“Don’t say that.” His gut trembled with nerves as he felt his whole world crumbling. “I was an idiot for even suggesting you could sleep with someone else, but the way you—”
“Take this,” she said, removing her engagement ring, and slipping it into the pocket of his suit jacket. “I can’t be engaged to a man who doesn’t trust me.”
“Oh my God, what are you talking about? You can’t end this! Are you serious right now?” Just a few hours ago he’d been the happiest man on the planet. Now he was losing everything? This couldn’t be happening.
“Dead serious.”
The heartbreak was evident in her eyes. But the rage was lurking too, letting him know it would take more than an apology to make things right.
“You just accused me of cheating on you. Of getting pregnant with another man’s baby.”
When she said it aloud it sounded so outrageous he couldn’t even believe he’d been dumb enough to let that idea enter his mind. This woman was the love of his life, his best friend, she would never betray him that way.
“I’m sorry.” His apology sounded so empty, so hollow, because they were just… words. They couldn’t possibly make up for the pain he’d caused her with that one stupid question.Was the baby mine?His stomach roiled when he realized those four little words could rob him, them, of everything.
She looked at him like he was certifiable. “You’re sorry? You’re sorry you accused me, your fiancée, of sleeping around? Of—”
“I didn’t say you slept around.” His stupidity was only making a bad situation worse. He had to keep his mouth shut before his grave got any deeper.
“But you assumed I’d slept with someone else.”
He knew how he let the doubt creep in. Late nights when she was supposed to be in her hotel room, working, but didn’t answer his phone. She’d told him she fell asleep, and he believed her, but apparently the fears and doubt had been lying dormant in his subconscious, waiting to re-surface.
“No.”
“You’re lying.”
She knew him so well, could read him so easily. “I thought maybe there was alcohol involved and…” He shook his head when she covered her face with her hands. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. I was a stupid bastard for allowing my insecurity to—”
“Still with that? Really?”
Her shoulders slumped and she looked so weary that Loran just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and take care of her. But he’d forfeited that right when he accused her of the most egregious betrayal possible.
“I thought we were past that,” she whispered. “I thought you finally trusted me. That you believed I’d never hurt you, or betray you, or leave you.”
But she was leaving him. The engagement ring burning a hole in his pocket proved that. And it was all his fault. “It was just a moment of weakness, Bell. Please, you gotta believe me. I do trust you, but when you said you’d screwed up and hated yourself for something you did—”
“You naturally assumed I’d cheated and gotten pregnant with another man’s baby.” She widened the gap between them. “Wow. Talk about assuming the worst.”
“I’m sorry.” He’d never be able to say it enough to make up for the mistake he’d made, but they were the only words he had. “I love you so much, sweetheart. Please. I can’t lose you.”
“I screwed up,” she said, raising her head to look him in the eye. “Because I didn’t take better care of myself. I didn’t even know I was pregnant, so I wasn’t eating right. I wasn’t taking pre-natal vitamins. I was working too hard, too stressed out.” She shook her head, drawing a deep breath. “I’d been drinking some at parties too. The doctor said they couldn’t pinpoint the cause of the miscarriage, but I couldn’t help but blame myself.” Her hand drifted to her stomach and a fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks. “If I’d taken better care ofourbaby maybe…”
“Don’t do that to yourself,” he whispered, trying to reach out to her before she pushed him away. “Don’t blame yourself. This wasn’t your fault. It just wasn’t meant to be, sweetheart.”
“It wasn’t meant to be,” she echoed, staring at him like she was looking at a stranger. “That’s all you have to say about the fact that we lost our baby today, Loran. Really?”
He was swallowing convulsively, trying to keep his emotions in check so he could get the words out. He wasn’t downplaying their loss. It tore his heart out. He just didn’t want her to blame herself. “I didn’t mean that—”
“Maybe you’re right,” she said, softly. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”
