Page 34 of Three Minutes
I laugh quietly, bitterness lacing my words. “That’s exactly what I wanted back then…to burn with them. But here I am, living in the reminder of being a broken, unlovable being.”
She sighs beside me, her hand gently resting on my arm as she continues, “The broken parts of you are what deserve the most love…you just haven’t allowed anyone access to those pieces of you.” My eyes finally meet hers, and a deep ache rises in my throat. I swallow hard, forcing it back down and locking it away. Her expression says it all. No. There’s that familiar look. Thesame one Beck used to give me. This is exactly why I shouldn’t have allowed this to happen. I’m such a fool.
I pull my gaze away from hers and rub my jaw, scanning the room for my phone. I jump out of bed, my heart racing as I search for it. Finally, I spot it lying next to my clothes at the foot of the bed. Several text notifications flash across the screen. “Shit, it’s 10:30. I was supposed to meet Blake at the bar thirty minutes ago.” I grab my jeans, reach into the pockets, and pull out my Zippo and cigarettes. Great, they’re ruined from last night’s downpour. I flip the Zippo open, and to my relief, it sparks to life.
Rushing to my dresser, I quickly grab some clothes and throw them on. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Raina slipping her dress back on and reaching for her purse on the floor. “Are you hungry? I could grab you something from the kitchen before we head out,” I offer.
She gives me a gentle smile. “No, I’m okay. I just need to use the restroom.”
I tie my boots and note, “It’s just across the hall.” I realize we left things in a bit of a strange place, but I really don’t have time to deal with it now. Honestly, I’m not even sure how to approach it.
We pull into the parking lot across from her apartment. The ride here was mostly quiet, aside from Raina occasionally pointing out pretty scenery that caught her eye. I simply nodded and smiled at her in response. My thoughts were distracted by other things. I’m still thinking about last night—the way it felt to fuck her and hold her close. The way she caressed my battered skin, never judging me. The way she made me feel calm and in control, even as I lost myself in her. It feels like I’m being tugged in two directions, like a rope in a tug-of-war, and neither sidepromises a good outcome. Because at the end, I’ll be torn apart and left to die alone.
I nervously tap my fingers on the steering wheel of the truck, my gaze fixed straight ahead. Raina shifts in her seat beside me. “Well…I-I really enjoyed everything,” she admits.
I glance at her and reply, “Yeah, I did too.” And it’s true—I enjoyed it so damn much. She presses her lips together for a moment before leaning in to kiss me. I hesitate, quickly turning my focus back to in front of me, my teeth grinding together in the process. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her settle back into her seat.
“So, what is this with us?” she pushes.
I exhale slowly through my nose. “It’s nothing.”
She lets out a laugh. “Nothing? So last night and this morning meantnothingto you?” Her voice rises, filled with disbelief.
“No, Raina, that’s not what I mean—”
She interrupts me. “So, since this isnothingto you, you’re fine with me dating other guys and fucking them?”
My nostrils flare as my hands grip the steering wheel. “Fuck no,” I growl back.
She laughs mockingly. “Oh! So you think you can claim me without ever actually being together?”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “Raina, no...I can’t be what you want me to be,” I confess.
“That’s bullshit!” she retorts, taking her hair down and glaring at me, fiery in her eyes. “You’ve been everything I’ve needed. Haven’t I made that clear by sticking around, even with your random outbursts and flaws? I’m still here,” she says, gazing out the window. Silence fills the air in the space we sit in. She then whispers, “You’re so selfish.”
I scoff at her words. “Selfish? I’m doing this for you! I’m saving you from the burden of me.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I want. If you were doingthis for me—for us—then you would be mine.” Her voice quivers. I open my mouth, but words escape me. She stares straight ahead, biting the inside of her lip. A sniffle breaks our silence as she quickly wipes her nose. “I can’t do this anymore,” she mutters.
I swallow hard. “What?”
She turns to face me, her expression hard as stone. “I’m done with whatever this is. I just can’t handle it anymore.” With those words, she grabs her bag, swings the door open, and steps into the parking lot. I watch her as she circles around the truck. In a rush, I fling my own door open, eager to follow her and resolve whatever this is.Our first fight?Fuck, I don’t know what I’m doing. I stride towards her, but she suddenly halts, spinning around to confront me. Her finger shoots up in warning. “No!” I freeze, caught off guard. Anger and pain flash across her face, but the hurt in her eyes hits me hardest. It’s what I do best.Hurtpeople.
I shake my head and start walking toward her again. “Ezra, please stop!” Her lip trembles as she gazes at me. “I do not give you consent to follow me.” The words barely escape her throat, but she means it, and her eyes plead with me to respect her wishes. I desperately want to dismiss her request and follow her inside. I need to make things right somehow. But I can’t. She’s clearly over my shit, and I’ve led her on for far too long. I want to express how I truly feel. I want to give her what she’s asking for…yet the words are stuck in my chest like a letter left unopened, slowly going up in flames. Those unspoken feelings smolder deep in my charred heart, where they’ll remain hidden, because she’ll never know they existed.
I pull my brows together, taking her in one last time. She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and shakes her head slowly. “You told me last night that you never wanted to hurt me…but you did a damn good job of it.” With that, she quickly turns andwalks toward her apartment. I stand there, frozen, until I see a light flicker on inside her place. I watch as she peeks through the balcony doors, glancing down at me before swiftly shutting the curtains without looking back. A sharp ache stabs at my chest, a heaviness that nearly robs me of breath. I clutch my chest through my shirt, closing my eyes and drawing in deep, shaky breaths.Not now, Ezra. Not fucking now.
I stumble back to the truck, fling the door shut and gripping the steering wheel tightly as I rest my forehead against the cool material. My mouth hangs open as I gulp in large amounts of air, but my chest constricts painfully, making it hard to breathe. I wheeze repeatedly, desperately trying to regain control. Raina’s face flashes in my mind, along with every moment we shared. My eyes snap open, and all I see is red. I slam my fist into the windshield, cracking it as I yell at the top of my lungs. Everything we experienced last night and this morning. The way our bodies melted together. The way her body reacted to mine. The fucking way I felt because of her. Just like that, it’sdone. It’s over.
Chapter Twenty-Six
One Month Later
Today is here again, and somehow another year has passed. Another reminder of how long she’s been gone. Mango’s dramatic purrs vibrate through my chest while I lie restless, staring out the window of my bedroom. I run my fingers over Mango’s striped fur. She hasn’t left my side since yesterday. The nightmares have come back with a vengeance. Sleep has hardly existed lately, and if I am asleep, it consists of me jerking awake throughout the night from some fucked up dream. So lately, I just lie in bed with my eyes closed, thinking abouther—Raina.
Twenty-nine long days have come and gone since I last saw her green eyes standing in the parking lot. Twenty-nine long days since I’ve heard her voice or smelled the sweet notes of vanilla when she was near. Twenty-nine days since I felt her against me, caressing my skin. Twenty-nine fucking days since I counted her freckles along her cheeks and nose. I never even told her how many there were. Nor did I ever ask her if she had ever counted them herself. Now I’ll never know.
I sigh, roll over, and grab my phone to check the time. It’s 11:00 a.m. The last morning Raina and I had together flashes through my mind. I rub the back of my neck, checking my notifications. The same three people have texted. Beck, Blake, and Eric. Everyyear.
