Page 38 of Pursuing a Duke
“Several times in the past when the baron and I were newly married.”
“I didn’t know that, Mama.”
She raised one perfectly shaped brow, enhanced by her blue turban, which matched her dress. “You don’t know everything about my life, my darling daughter.”
Emmeline smiled. “You are correct. Have you been before, Your Grace?”
Grinning at her over the top of his glass, Andrew said, “Not in many years. But it appears much the same as I remember.”
A short time later the carriages arrived, and everyone returned to Waterford Manor.
Since it was a day full of adventures, that evening’s dinner was an informal affair. Everyone appeared tired after their busy day. Once everyone who hadn’t retired for the evening congregated in the drawing room, Andrew asked, “Would you like to venture into the gardens?”
“That would be lovely.” Wrapping her arm through his, Emmeline allowed him to lead her into the dimly lit gardens. They meandered through the stone pathways, occasionally stopping to smell the jasmine. The sound of the nighttime insects buzzed a sweet lullaby and Emmeline’s worry about her age after the hurtful countess called her “past her prime” eased, and she felt lighthearted in the bountiful gardens on Andrew’s arm. As they approached the gazebo, they heard voices driftingtheir way. Voices belonging to Caldwell and Lady Clarice, and they paused, not wanting to intrude.
They could hear the deep timbre of Caldwell’s voice but not understand his words. Suddenly the breeze picked up blowing in the perfect direction because now their words were clear, as if they were standing beside them. “Why are you telling me this?” Lady Clarice asked.
“I don’t know. I suppose I just needed to relieve some of the guilt and tension strangling me since I’ve been spending more time with Mrs. Fitzpatrick lately.”
“I can’t believe she doesn’t know Blackstone is responsible for her husband’s death. That the three of you lied to her.”
Emmeline gasped and pulled her arm from Andrew’s. A sick feeling took over her body. She turned and looked directly into his eyes—eyes that looked cautious and guarded in the dim light of the gardens.
“Andrew?” She choked out his name as she tightened the shawl around her shoulders. Her body trembled uncontrollably, and her skin prickled with chills.
“Emmeline. Let me explain.” His hands reached out to grab hers, but she wouldn’t allow it. “Caldwell, Langford, and I may have left out some details, but we were protecting you from more pain.”
“More pain?” she yelled, even though it came out stifled as her throat clogged with anger and frustration. “My heart is being stabbed right now with more pain in finding out you’veleft out detailsfor years. Years, Andrew. What am I supposed to do with this newfound understanding? Pretend I didn’t hear? Pretend the truth wasn’t kept from me? What didn’t you tell me?” Her heart was dying inside her chest. Turning black and hardening. All her joy at being with Andrew was slowly disappearing and she didn’t know how to stop it.
“Please let me explain.” The panic in his voice almost got to her. She would allow him to explain, not for him, but for her. She needed to know the truth once and for all. Her future depended on it.
“Go on.”
“It is true; we had been drinking. We each had a flask of whisky that Aiden supplied. And since none of us were great hunters, we decided to ride off alone. We reached an open field that went on forever. I asked if anyone wanted to race.” He paused, ran his hands through his hair, and then tugged hard enough that he winced. “Aiden said he would. I don’t know what was wrong with him that day, but he didn’t appear to be his easygoing self. He seemed angry at the world. Angry at me, as if I’d done something to offend him. He also said that since I was a better rider than him, he would take my horse to compensate. I tried to persuade him, since he wasn’t a good horseman, but he’d set his mind on riding Merlin, who was hard to handle, and I ended up riding Langford’s mount.
“Hard to handle. But you told me he was docile right after the accident. Why did you lie? Why did you let him ride him knowing it would be dangerous?” By now her heart was pounding inside her chest so hard it hurt, and she could barely breathe to get words out.
Andrew ran his hands through his hair and groaned. “I don’t know. He insisted, and I didn’t want to cause any more strain in our friendship. And then the race started. Merlin took off, and Aiden used his crop on him, which I knew was bad. I pushed the horse I rode hard and came up beside Merlin, who was very agitated. I called to my horse.” His voice drifted off, and his eyes blinked back tears.
Emmeline barely breathed.
“Merlin came to a sudden stop, Aiden went flying. Merlin reared up and came down on top of Aiden.” He scrubbed thetears from his cheeks. “Christ, I’m so sorry. It happened so fast I couldn’t do anything to help him.”
His voice seemed far away, echoing from inside a tunnel as he explained that heartbreaking day. His telling of that tragic accident, and keeping nothing out this time, had her hand covering her stomach as she fought not to lose her dinner on the gravel path.
“I have felt guilty. The guilt ate me alive, and you know it. It nearly ruined my life. I dreamed for many years of a life with you, being married to you, but never at the expense of my best friend. I never wanted his death.” Andrew’s pain radiated through his voice. She wanted to feel sorry for him, but it was all she could do not to step up to him and beat her fists against his chest, much like she had done the day Aiden died.
“Ruined your life,” she mumbled. “Your life?” Her words became louder as she swung out her arms to encompass the gardens, and she spun around. “You are alive and breathing. You lived to see another day... years even. I don’t feel sorry for you. Heisdead because of you. I hope never to see you again.”
Her throat was raw, her heart eviscerated, and her body and mind barely functioned. She hunched her shoulders as her feet shuffled through the small stones leading back toward the manor. Andrew called after her, but she ignored him. She needed to get to the safety of her room before she broke. It was coming, and there was not a thing she could do to stop it.
She could blame Andrew all she wanted, but it was his betrayal of her that hurt, not his role in Aiden’s death—not really. Her heart knew the truth about that. Aiden had been dealing with her miscarriage and drinking too much because of it.
Finally behind the closed door of her room, she collapsed face-first on the bed and let the tears come, tears that encompassed too many things in her life. She cried for Aidenand her unborn baby, and she cried for the loss of Andrew. She honestly didn’t know how she would face him again, or go on from here without him.
