Page 3 of Loving an Earl
“His lordship wishes to see you in his study right away. I’ll show you the way,” Campbell said as she put the last few pins in her hair. “Also, Mrs. Pemberton wanted me to say that a seamstress will be coming to fit you with a new wardrobe this afternoon.”
Lilly wasn’t surprised about the new wardrobe. She hardly had clothing fit for a countess. When they traveled to London, she certainly didn’t want to embarrass Henry with her country attire. Thinking of London had her chest constricting again. The earl could dress her to look like a countess, but underneath, she’d still be the vicar’s daughter. Oh dear, would she ever be ready for a foray into London Society? She wondered how long she had before Parliament was in session.
Once Lilly stood outside Henry’s open study door, she smoothed down her plain blue skirt. It was more to settle her nerves than because it was wrinkled. It also gave her trembling hands something to do.
“Enter, my dear.”
Lilly’s nerves eased somewhat when she heard Henry’s soothing voice and also because he hadn’t referred to her as a child. She needed to be treated as an adult now, whether she wanted to or not. Since finding out her papa was dying, she felt she had aged ten years anyway. Gone was her idealistic younger self.
“Good morning, Henry,” she said, trying to make her voice sound, if not happy, at least not sad.
“Good morning to you, Lilly.” He stood and came around his desk, gesturing to one of the two chairs opposite his large mahogany desk. “Please sit.”
She sat down, arranged her skirts, and then entwined her hands on her lap. Henry sat in the chair next to hers.
“I hope you slept well and found your room comfortable.”
Was that nerves she heard in his voice? Could he be as uncomfortable with their sudden circumstances as she? After all, he was elderly and had never been married before. “Yes. I slept quite well, all things considered.” He looked at her, raised his brows, his soft brown eyes questioning. Her stomach sank to her toes. Oh dear, she hoped she hadn’t insulted him. “I didn’t mean...”
“I know what you meant. Yesterday was a shock to both of us. No need to explain.” Once again, he proved how kind and understanding a man he was. “I requested your presence so we may discuss what is expected of you within our marriage.”
Her body tensed against her will, and she fervently hoped he didn’t notice.
Gently, he placed one of his warm hands on top of hers briefly. “If I say anything you object to, please interrupt me as I tend to prattle on at my age. I want to tell you a story about myself in the hope that you will understand me better. And then perhaps you will share some things about yourself, your hopes and dreams.”
“I will.” She held her breath, waiting and anxious to hear what he had to say.
“Many years ago, when I first inherited the earldom, I spent much of my time in London enjoying myself. I was young and rich, relishing my time as a new earl. I had a small group of friends I’d known since Eton, and we belonged to all the same clubs.” He paused, took a deep breath. “Some things I say may shock you, so I will apologize now. But know that everything I say relates to my life and the decisions I’ve made and will continue to make. So where was I? Oh yes, my friends and I were known as rakes. We drank, gambled, and socialized to excess. We spent many hours in brothels and snubbed our noses at our Parliament obligations. This went on for several years, I’m afraid.”
Rising, he went to the sideboard, poured amber liquid into a tumbler, and sat back down. “During this time, I met a duke’s daughter during her first season. She was beautiful and shy and had sapphire eyes that I drowned in. I was smitten immediately. I sent flowers, called upon her, and tried my hardest to prove to her father that I wasn’t a wastrel. For weeks I called upon her during the proper visiting hours, but her father refused to allow me to court her. Evelyn was as devastated by her father’s refusal as I was. I will never really know why she fell in love with me, but by the grace of God, she did. I even stayed away from my friends and my clubs. All to prove to the duke I was worthy of his only daughter.”
Lilly sat motionless, hanging onto his every word. She couldn’t take her eyes off his face. A face that, even now, all these years later, was saddened by the retelling of his story. And if she weren’t mistaken, tears glistened in his eyes.
“After being relentless for many weeks, I was finally allowed by the duke to court his daughter, which led to my marriage proposal. But Evelyn fell ill as we waited for the banns to be posted and the wedding to be planned.” Henry cleared his throat, removed his handkerchief from his coat pocket, and dried his eyes. “Forgive me. I still get emotional even though it’s been forty years.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“We decided to have a private ceremony, but she passed the night before it took place. Their family physician could never tell us why she had taken ill. All I know is that over the course of a month, I sat at her bedside and watched as the lovely young lady I’d fallen in love with wasted away to nothing.”
This time, Lilly placed her hand on his and squeezed, hoping to give him what little comfort she could. “How terribly sad for both of you.”
“Within another month, I’d moved here. I hated London after that because I saw her beautiful face everywhere I went, which drove me to the brink of madness. Or perhaps not true madness, but I was mad for a time. The country air soothed me, as did busying myself with the estate. Eventually, my heart healed, but not enough to give it away to anyone else. Even though Evelyn and I never married, she was the wife of my heart.”
Lilly touched his hand again. “I don’t know what to say. Except thank you for marrying me. I know it couldn’t have been an easy decision to make. I nearly died of embarrassment when Papa told me he’d asked you.”
He turned his hand over and squeezed hers. “It was easy. Your father asked—the man who saved me from myself all those years ago. You see, I skipped an important part. The part where I met your father.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and her lungs constricted, making it hard to speak. “Will you tell me?” she whispered.
“For almost a year after Evelyn’s death, I buried myself in drink. I was careless with myself. I went riding across the countryside at breakneck speeds, inebriated and not caring if I lived or died. One afternoon as I led my horse by the reins, too drunk to ride, even by my standard, I came across your father and he kindly invited me into his home. He introduced me to his young bride, your mother, and served me soup and bread. Both of them treated me with such kindness, never judging me for my drunken behavior in the middle of the day. That was the first day of a long friendship with both your parents. But an even longer one with your father. Months later, after your father had helped me truly begin to deal with my grief and anger, I thanked my horse, my household, and your father for keeping me alive.”
Lilly sniffled most unladylike. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for listening to an old man babble about his lost love. Which brings me to our marriage.”
Tension coiled inside her body, causing her stomach to ache.
“Ours will be a marriage in name alone. I’m an old man and do not wish to produce heirs or take a child bride to my bed. If this is shocking to you or you object, please say so now.”
