Page 9 of Loving an Earl
Now that that was resolved, she rang the bell for Daisy to begin preparing for their eventual departure immediately. Lilly would not so much as leave a stocking behind as she never planned to step foot in this house again. “I’m sorry, Henry,” she whispered as she rubbed her chest while tears slid down her cheeks. “I can’t stay here. I have to make a new life for myself. I know it’s what you wanted for me, but it hurts to say goodbye.”
When she arrived in London, she would have about nine months left of mourning to prepare herself to enter Society. During these months, she knew she would need to learn to dance. One could hardly expect to attend social functions without knowing how to dance properly. She also needed to visit a modiste and add several ballgowns to her wardrobe.
After Daisy helped her dress for afternoon tea, she made her way to the family drawing room, hoping Langford wasn’t there. If he were, she would take tea in the public drawing room. She had reached her breaking point with his antics. One moment he seemed able to manage civility and respect for her station as Henry’s widow, but then the next minute he would be rude again. Fortunately for her, this time the room was empty, and she enjoyed the privacy and quiet of taking tea and biscuits in solitude without Edmund taking up space in the room. She supposed she should start thinking of him solely as Langford, but it stung. Henry was Langford, but not anymore.
Lilly wasn’t fool enough to think she could leave Langford Manor without the earl taking notice, but she wanted to put the confrontation off as long as possible. Once she had received a welcoming reply from Emmeline, Wilson quietly arranged for the earl’s carriage to take her to London a few days later. Days that couldn’t go by fast enough, her patience was so strained. Sometimes, dealing with the new earl had her feeling like a child. At other times, she felt ancient.
Sipping her tea, a pain sparked inside her chest at the thought of never returning to the only village she had lived in. Henry’s household had been most kind to her, and she would miss them. Suddenly an idea occurred to her, and she rang for Wilson. “Please have my horse saddled and a groomsman ready to accompany me. I shall visit Papa’s and Henry’s graves.”
The two miles to the cemetery where her papa was buried didn’t take long on this glorious day, weather-wise at least. With the groomsman’s help, she dismounted and made her way to the small headstone marking both of her parents’ graves.
“Mama, Papa,” she said as she knelt before the marker, “I’ve come to say goodbye.” Tears pooled in her eyes, and breathing proved difficult with the heaviness inside her chest. “I’m moving to London and don’t know if I will return. Henry died, and the new earl is a dreadful man. I cannot live under the same roof as him. I know when I am not wanted. Henry’s cousin, Emmeline, a lovely childless widow, invited me to stay with her. I don’t find London as frightening as I once did, and I look forward to immersing myself in its lifestyle.” She clasped her hands and bowed her head in silent prayer.
“Please forgive me for leaving, but I must do what is best. Henry’s biggest hope for me, when he no longer lived, was for me to marry a kind man for love. I also pray for this. And it will not come to fruition here.” She gasped for air, fighting back her sobs. “I will always love and miss you both.” As she stumbled away, her hand clutching her chest, she knew a large section of her heart stayed behind with her parents.
Her next stop was the Langford family burial ground. Kneeling at Henry’s grave, she kissed her finger and touched his headstone. “Hello, Henry. I miss you so. Life with you was simple and easy. You made me feel welcome and wanted, even though deep down you didn’t want to marry me.” She smiled sadly. “You honored a dying man’s request. Your breed of aristocracy is dying if your nephew’s behavior is any indication. I’m going to London to live with Emmeline as she has offered, and I think it is for the best. The new earl doesn’t need me underfoot as he acclimates to his new duties. And I won’t lie, I look forward to living in London. If I never return, know I loved you in my own way and I will always be grateful.” She wiped the tears from her eyes so she could see as she mounted her horse with the groom’s help.
“Time to go, Peters.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Chapter Four
Nine Months Later
London 1816
“How does itfeel, cousin, to be out of mourning?” Emmeline asked Lilly as they entered Madam Serena’s, the most sought-after modiste in all of London. Today, both of them had final fittings for several new ballgowns, day dresses, and cloaks to add to their wardrobe.
How did she feel? Lilly felt nervous, excited, and terrified to begin this next chapter of her life. Now, nothing kept her from attending balls, soirees, Almack’s, the theater, and the opera; indeed, her head spun. There was nothing at all to keep her from accepting the many invitations that came to Emmeline’s house daily.
“I’m nervous. I suddenly find myself out of mourning as the Widow Countess of Langford. It appears as if everyone who is anyone in London’s elite Society wants to meet me. I’m afraid they all have ulterior motives in making my acquaintance. As if they want something from me.” She paused, trying to ignore all the sweeping emotions coursing through her veins. “You know Henry and I kept to ourselves when we came to London. He was afraid Society would overwhelm me and kept me sheltered. Thinking back on it now, I’m not convinced he did me any favor. Nothing is stopping anyone from treating me cruelly now.”
Emmeline placed a comforting, gloved hand on her arm. “I am your family, as is my mother, and we will protect you. You have a cousin and aunt looking out for you.”
Before Lilly could respond, Madam Serena swept out of the back room, closed off by a dark-blue velvet curtain. “Lady Langford, Mrs. Fitzpatrick, you are right on time for your final fitting.” She curtsied. “Please come with me.”
It was quite some time later when Lilly and Emmeline left the dressmaker’s shop. Lilly had added a day dress at the last minute—an emerald green which matched her pendant perfectly—and couldn’t wait for it to be delivered. “I’ve never owned such fine pieces of clothing, and Henry was quite generous with my allowance. But I never needed more than two ballgowns before. Now I have six.” Lilly said, linking arms with Emmeline. “I spoiled myself. Mr. Beauregard’s jaw will drop when he receives the extravagant bill.”
Quiet laughter came from Emmeline, who was beautiful at twenty-eight. “As my solicitor will be when he receives mine,” Emmeline said with a smile.
Emmeline had thick raven hair, light-blue eyes, and a lush figure dressed today in a royal-blue day dress and matching spencer with seed pearls as accents. She looked closer to Lilly’s age, which made Lilly wonder if two widows of such young age should be traveling Bond Street and the rest of London on their own.
“Is it proper for us to be about without a chaperone?”
Emmeline laughed. “We are both widows and are allowed certain freedoms because of it. Nonetheless, I have already decided to have my mother accompany us to nightly social gatherings. She is not so old that she doesn’t appreciate socializing.” Emmeline looked around to confirm no one could overhear. “During our special outings set up by the Duchess of Greenville, we always have a driver looking after our safety. Please remember we have a meeting tomorrow.”
“I haven’t forgotten.” How could Lilly ever forget the Ladies’ Society of Mayfair to which they belonged? It had kept her sane during her time of mourning. She had never been one to embroider, sew, or play an instrument, which had given her very little to do the past year. Instead, she immersed herself in the workings of the Society, guided by the Duchess of Greenville, a very kind woman in her early forties who had no children and dedicated her time to helping those less fortunate.
Lilly had visited St. Giles with some regularity in the name of the Society to deliver necessary food, clothing, and medicine to the less fortunate which gave her purpose. The few times she’d ventured out beneath the darkness of night had her heart pumping so she knew she was still alive. Fortunately, those dangerous trips at night were due only to emergencies. They were few and far between, but Lilly always volunteered, as did Emmeline. It could be dangerous for the ladies in the Society to do the deliveries, but many of the women living in the slums were leery of men for good reason and would only take donations from other women.
They stopped at Gunter’s for lemon ices, and Lilly tried to ignore the stares directed at her. Everyone appeared interested. Several ladies approached their table and Emmeline made introductions: The Duchess of Fairway, Lady Brennan, and Mrs. Smythe. Lilly was surprised at what appeared to be genuine kindness and sympathy for her loss of Henry. It gave her high hopes that everyone she met would treat her in such a way.
It wasn’t long before she realized that was not to be true.
“Oh my,” Emmeline whispered, “don’t look now, but Lady Wilmington is coming this way with her two daughters. She has been unfriendly to me since my first ball as a debutante when I met my late husband. Apparently, her eldest daughter, who has since died, had set her sights on Aiden.”
“Mrs. Fitzpatrick, how nice to see you,” Lady Wilmington said with a nasally voice and an insincere smile. “And who is this lovely creature with you?”
